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Since when has throwing a custard pie at someone become assault? As it emerges that Fiona Bruce has become the second famous person to be pied in the last month I have to ask what has happened to the great British sense of humour? OK having a pie in the face isn't pleasant, no doubt the foam (because that is what it is, usually on a paper plate) can sting if it gets in the eyes and probably tastes foul, but assault? Come on! The only thing that has been hurt is the pride. If Fiona had just laughed it off instead of calling the police and having people arrested she'd have come out of the whole episode looking a lot better than the humourlous woman she obviously is. As for Robert Murdoch, well it was the least he deserved.

And as I am having a go at the famous, what the hell happened to Shane Warne? When I saw him in the papers I just could not believe Mr Plastic Fantastic was the same person. Does he really think he looks better? Does anyone think he looks better? OK yes he was a bit on the heavy side so a diet would never do much harm but what happened to the face, the hair, the clothes? He seems to have so much botox in his system that he can't move his face at all. Even if he could I doubt he would be able to smile because for someone to change that much must mean either he was really miserable as he was (no evidence of that) or he is really miserable now and is going to extreme lengths to please someone. And we all know who that is. Why do some women do this? They fall in love with the rough and ready then set about changing him, once they have achieved their goal they realise they preferred him as his was an promptly dump him for another rough and ready. By all means correct the nastier of his habits and subtly update his wardrobe from time to time but don't turn him into a shop dummy, neither of you will be happy.

Apologies for what is about to follow but it is necessary in order to explain things.

'Fuck off and die!' Those are the words that aroused me from my slumbers this morning. For the last five days we have been targeted by scammers and Peter is reaching the end of his tether. At the moment we are getting up to five calls a day, always from an Indian 'gentleman' with such bad English that he is only just capable of reading the prepared script he's been given. They have started early today, which is a bad sign. Today's caller claimed to be from Microsoft who have identified a problem with our computer (we have nine computers) and after the caller seemed unable to grasp this. even after being told several times, he was told to be on his way. When they first started calling on Monday, Peter, who knows a thing or two about computers, took great pleasure in blinding them with science. He even went through the procedure they asked him to do and was amused at the rising excitement in the voice on the phone as the caller obviously thought they were on their way to our bank account. What the caller didn't know was that Peter was only pretending as he knows which screen each command would take him too. As the calls have continued through the week the joy of winding someone up has turned to irritation and now we are at the 'swearing at them' stage. If I answer the phone to them I just hang straight up, saves time and energy.

Today was the day for my call from Healthcare At Home to do a stock check. We counted everything up last night and wrote the figures on the sheet they gave us ready for the big event. Our stock levels have reached more manageable proportions now and we can fit everything in the wall cupboard of the bedroom. We are still massively overstocked on some items while with other things we have enough to last until delivery with a few to spare for emergencies. No doubt another month or two and things will sort themselves out. Can you believe I've been on this stuff for two months now? And I'm still no where near the full dose.

Saw a hedgehog scuttling across the lawn last night, my garden is wonderfully free of slugs and snails this year so I'm hoping he intends sticking around. My tomatoes are now the size of golf balls but are still very green, only a couple more weeks and yum, yum!