Monday, 15 August 2011

I'm Like A Rubber Ball

Sorry for the lack of blog yesterday but the nausea returned with  a vengeance over night on Saturday and I spent most of yesterday in the bathroom until the anti sickness tablets kicked in. The brief hiatus between feeling dozy or feeling sick has passed. I am so disappointed as I thought I'd beaten it at last. My next increase is due on 12th September but I'm wondering whether it is worth all the aggravation. The dose I'm on now is only just under my target dose of 15 -20, I'm on 14 at present, and I feel so much better, when not being sick, than I have been of late. I still find walking any distance a bit of a problem unless I pace myself and stairs and slopes are still no go areas but I can live with all that. I hesitate to say it but I'm practically back to the stage I was at when first on the Iloprost and can't really see increasing the dose any further as being any more beneficial. I've improved beyond what I was warned to expect so maybe I should call a halt rather than go through all this again. It is something I have time to think about so I will not be making the decision until much nearer the time.

So today the prospect of going to work was just too much and I rang in sick, hopefully the tablet will really take hold by the end of today and I'll be fine for tomorrow. Once again I'm faced with the question of whether it is time to call it a day. I've barely managed a full shift since coming out of hospital and that is with being on reduced hours. I can't see me ever returning to my full hours at this rate. It is so depressing, why won't my body just behave itself? Maybe I'm trying to hard to be normal but what is the point of treatment if you can't get on with your life? For now I'm going to have to take things day by day and see how I go. I e-mailed my specialist nurse yesterday asking for advice and they got back to me early today asking me to return to the hospital later this week to have my dose reduced and to talk about 'where we go from here'. I am so disappointed, I can't tell you how sad I am feeling. I don't know what their plans will be now, I guess that is something to be discussed when I get there. The frequency with which I keep having to dash down to London the hospital will be providing me with my own parking space soon. I'm sure they are as sick of seeing me by now as I am of them. I seem to have been there every other week since late April.

After almost a week of silence we had no fewer than three calls from 'Microsoft' attempting to 'mend' our computer today. Fortunately Peter has recovered his sense of humour and has enjoyed winding the callers up but I can't see it lasting much longer. If they keep it up tomorrow the swearing is bound to start, rather hope I'll be back in work.

As the weather was behaving itself I managed a slow stroll around the garden for some much needed fresh air. I did feel slightly better afterwards so if it is fine again tomorrow and I'm up to it I think I might sit out for a while, at least being ill doesn't prevent me enjoying that. I am really worried about my tomtoes, although the plants are dripping with fruit they don't seem to be growing and are definitely not ripening. I know we still have most of August and part of September to go but if we don't get some sustained warm and sunny weather soon I will be writing off another year as a disaster.

Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow.