Sunday, 3 July 2011

And I'm Feeling Good.

I love Total Wipeout. If I was fit I'd be there in a flash, I'm especially keen to try the big red balls but not so keen on dizzy dummies due to my tendancy to throw up at the slightest provocation. It looks like a lot of fun but knowing me I'd probably end up breaking something, still I can dream, something I had trouble doing last night thanks to the local yobs. They started at around eleven just as we were finishing our film and considering going to bed. The first thing we heard was a heated arguement going on further up the road, then more voices joined in before it all went quiet and we breathed a sigh of relief and went to bed. Just as we turned out the light a woman started screaming and swearing, then other female voices joined in and they got louder and louder as they stagger drunkenly down the road. Eventually peace decended once again and we drifted off only to be rudely awake by the same group of females staggering back up the road accompanied by several males. Thankfully this is still a rare occurance in our village, especially my part of the village.

Today was spent rebuilding my computer, as you can tell by the fact I've managed to publish this post it went well, I've got rid of a load of crap (hopefully nothing I need) and updated almost everything else. The hardest thing to do was getting rid of all my lesson plans, course outlines and worksheets. I'd spent months and months developing them all but after three years the courses no longer exist so they are useless. Hanging on to them just for sentimental value is a waste of space but I was sad to see them go. In effect I've finally closed the door on that part of my life. And once I'd done it I actually felt a tremendous sense of relief, how strange. Maybe my desperation to cling on to the old me was preventing me from enjoying my new life. As my therapist said, it is a waste of energy to look back. In the back of my mind though I still harbour the hope that should I be lucky enough to get a transplant I could go back to teaching. The reality of course is even after a transplant teaching would probably not be a good idea.

The extra dose of meds seems to be kicking in at last and I feel much better today. I'm still not breathing as well I I want to though but I've been warned it will be slow progress. My trouble is that I'm hoping for huge improvements immediately. The sensible me knows this isn't going to happen but the dreamer in me wishes it would. I know in my heart of hearts that there is a real possibility that I'll never get back to exactly how I was before this latest crisis.  I can but hope. At the moment I'm still having trouble walking any real distance or lifting or carrying anything. Just got to be patient, but that is something I'm not very good at.

I cooked my favourite spagetthi sauce for lunch and it was absolutely delicious. I'm actually considering doing a bit of baking this week, I haven't made a cake in weeks so I think it will be appreciated. I'd like to make some bread but I think that might have to wait a little longer as all that kneading might be a bit much at the moment, small, small steps Here's to even more improvement over the next few days.