Friday, 11 May 2012

Twenty One Years And Counting

Another day, another downpour. Things started well, bright, sunny and breezy but as soon as I thought about hanging my washing out the clouds appeared.

Yesterday I got wet, very wet. After a relaxed morning we headed out to the newsagents to get my passport photocopied, then it was on to Tesco's for the photos and some shopping. As it happened the photo's came out not too bad though I do have a very intense look on my face. This was the result of the stool which I wound up to my correct height only for it to descend with thump every time I sat on it. I had to hover over it as though it was a suspect public loo but I got the photos I needed in the end. From there it was off to Bedford to deliver the application for my blue badge renewal and then finally on to Milton Keynes and Costco. By the time we got home it was approaching six and I was damp, cold and tired.

This morning I managed to wake up after eight, but only just, and felt rested and in a very good mood, probably helped by the bright sunshine. Unfortunately the sun did not last but the good mood did and I've had a happy, contented day.

Andrew forgot his lunch this morning so I texted him to ask if he want to collect or me to take it to him. He decided to return during a free when he cheerfully told me he officially finishes school on 25th May. Oh Wow! No more school aged children. Where did all the time go?

Talking of time it was my middle son William's twenty first birthday yesterday. William was born at 29 weeks and only lived 21 days, he died in my arms. Peter was at work and despite trying to move heaven and earth didn't make it to the hospital in time to say goodbye. Although he never says I think he has never quite forgiven himself.

Time has deadened the pain and I don't cry on his birthday anymore but I try and imagine how he would have looked now. What would he be, would he be in uni, would he be working? So many questions left unanswered. I don't go to his grave anymore because I just can't get there but after he died the Vicar said to me, don't think of him being in the ground, that is just a vessel, he will always live in your heart. How wise that man was. So yesterday I quietly said happy birthday and put another year aside.

This afternoon I attempted.......a cake! I decided to go right back to basics and do a plain old Victoria sandwich, what could possibly go wrong with that? The picture in the recipe book showed a cake about a foot deep, I ended up with two pancakes. So to console myself I made a cottage loaf which turn out beautifully and tasted delicious.

We are off to Milton Keynes again tomorrow, as I foolishly promised to get Andrew some new trainers as his current ones as cutting his feet to shreds every time he goes running. Unfortunately I have been unable to hire a scooter for the occasion as they are already all booked out. So I'm going to have to be pushed in my manual chair, at least it might cut down on the number of shops he wants to visit.