Saturday, 4 June 2011

Sleepless In Seattle

With all the excitement of getting my funding yesterday I forgot to mention the other exciting thing that happened. Sitting in the cafe at the Brompton having a tea, as for once I'd arrive early, who should walk past us on his way to the toilets but Nigel Havers. I did a double take, he was wearing a gorgeous blue shirt but that didn't distract from how thin he was. I'm guessing he was there to support the Brompton's campaign to save it's childrens services. Maybe I'm going to see a whole string of famous people trooping through over the next few weeks, might make my stay more interesting.

To say I had a disturbed night would be an understatement. I expected to sleep like the dead, I always do after a busy day but no, come three o'clock I was wide awake and terrified. I kept thinking of having the line put in and how I'm going to live with it all day, every day for the rest of my life or until transplant, whichever comes first. I went into a complete panic. Will I have to change my wardrobe, I have a lot of strappy stuff for the summer and for going out, not that I do that much anymore, will the pump show under my clothing? Will I have to wear a lot of baggy stuff to hid it? Where exactly will the line go, how big will it be, will I feel it, will the local hurt, what if the local doesn't take and I'm in agony? All those needles they are going to use; I worked myself up into a right little tizzy. And then I remembered my hypno session and started to reason with myself. How long have you waited, praying for this? Do you want to get better? This is the only way it is going to happen. I don't know how but I eventually managed to talk myself calm and drifted back off to sleep only to wake up at eight for my meds. Thank God for the hypno, and to think I'd dismissed it as hocus pocus and wasn't going to go. I don't think this is going to be the only night I'm going to have like this, I suspect I'm in for a bit of a rough ride over the next few days. No doubt the imagination is much worse than the reality but it is easy to be logical at eleven o'clock in the morning far more difficult at two.

Spent the day getting prepared to go in, I want to be ready at the drop of a hat in case there is a cancellation. I checked my bag, which has been packed for the last four weeks anyway. I then typed up instructions for the washing machine so the boys have no excuse not to use it and taught Laurence how to iron his work shirts. They are all epilets and pockets so are more difficult than normal shirts. At least I will now be confident of not coming home to a pile of washing.

The lack of sleep caught up with by mid afternoon so I had a little snooze on the settee and woke up with two pairs of green eyes stairing at me. Funny how two animals that sleep for most of the day can take umbrage at someone else doing it. A quick check showed an empty biscuit bowl so it looks like they thought I was shirking my duties as a pet owner by not ensuring food being available 24/7.

News is getting around to my family and friends and everyone seems just as relieved and excited as I am. I am overwhelmed by the messages of good will, I didn't realise so many people cared. Thank you all.