Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Nuisance Callers

My ears are clearing at last, though it still sounds like everyone has a bad case of the Norman Colliers about them. For those that don't know Norman was a comedian who's act included a microphone routine. The microphone had a bad connection and you missed ever other word or part of every other word. It was hilarious though having it happening for real isn't quite so funny. What is worse is the sound effects I'm getting, it is difficult to sleep when a firework display is going on in your head. However I've started sneezing too and with each good sneezing session the pressure in my sinuses lifts a little bit. So things are on the up.

One of the problems of being at home is the telephone. I lost count of how many sales calls I got yesterday. One very persistent caller was trying to sell me one of these over fifties funeral plans. He called so often I began to think he knew something I didn't. The trouble is I can no longer ignore anonymous calls. Papworth have said that they always withhold their number, and although I'm unlikely to get  'The Call' in the middle of a working day, I can't run the risk of not picking up. The caller ID does show international calls though so at least I can ignore those.

I was so bored and so fed up with the constant phone calls I hit upon this, please feel free to use.

Hello and welcome. In order to process your phone call more efficiently please chose from one of the following options.
Press 1 if your name is Nigel, live in India and want to talk to me about a problem I'm having with my non existent computer.
Press 2 if you want me to claim for an accident I haven't had.
Press 3 if you think my bank owes me money and would like a hefty chunk of any payout.
Press 4 if you think I am over 50 and in serious need of a funeral plan.
Press 5 if you want to replace my lovely real oak door with cheap plastic.
Press 6 if you think my fuel bills are too big, even though you are the company I already buy my gas and electricity from.
Press 7 if you can offer me a better phone tariff (please listen to the end of option 6).
Press 8 if you really are not trying to sell me anything and are just conducting a survey (yeah, right).
If you are actually someone I know and would want to talk too please hold while we connect you to the home owner but be prepared to be sworn at by the operator if you are any of the above. You have been warned.

I am on my own again today but Peter doesn't seem quite so worried. He says I'm looking and sounding better so is quite happy to let me off the settee to make my own tea, get a biscuit/fruit/packet of crisps etc. I am still banned from washing up, dusting, ironing or sorting the laundry though but to be fair that is no great hardship.

I've read about three books since Monday and watched endless episodes of Red Dwarf, Only Fools and Horses and Star Trek but I'm getting fidgety, a good sign I suppose. To stem the boredom a bit I've taken up making jewelry again. If you remember I started this little hobby when I was stuck at home for weeks before and after having my line fitted. I enjoyed it at the time but two bracelets in and I put it away, I just wasn't in the mood.

So I'm prowling the house looking for things to do. I hate this in between stage when you feel better than you actually are. This is the stage of post transplant recovery I'm really not looking forward too. I'll be there thinking I can climb Everest and they'll be saying 'rest'. In my mind's eye I'm going from operating table to marching around the countryside with no gradual progression at all. I can see the first few months being rather fraught.

I have heard nothing from Andrew since he landed in Bulgaria but I'm assuming this is a good sign and he is having far to good a time to spend any posting on face book.

The papers are full of reports of 'parties' and riots celebrating Margaret Thatcher's death, though frankly from the pictures they look like Rent-A-Crowd, who will riot over anything at a drop of a hat. And they all look far to young to have even been born when she was PM. It seems that brainwashing is alive and well in Great Britain after all.

In other news today is the day North Korea has been warning us about for weeks. Dough Boy must be right royally fed up that his posturing was eclipsed this week by the death of a real leader so he's up'd the rhetoric and is now warning foreigners to get out of South Korea. so far he hasn't done much else except move a few missiles from one side of the country to the other. Will the day end with any being fired? I doubt it, he can't be that stupid.

Finally you will remember that I sent a letter of complaint to the Mail on Sunday regarding an article written by columnist Liz Jones, I posted the link in this blog. Well surprise, surprise I got a reply. The layout, punctuation and spelling is all original.

Thank you for your letter in response to Liz Jones’s column last Sunday in which she admitted parking in disabled bays.
It may not surprise you to learn that we have had a good number of messages from other readers expressing similar concerns to your own.
Of course Liz Jones’s views are entirely her own and do not necessarily reflect those of the newspaper. We publish her work because it is thought-provoking and encourages debate. We do not always agree with everything she says or does and our readers are often divided about her.
Liz Jones has often highlighted disability issues through writing about her own deafness and her experiences of taking care of her elderly mother. In this case she believes that many people are narrow minded in thinking that providing a parking bay for disabled people is sufficient response. She thinks it makes the authorities feel good and smug but they may have no real idea what life is like for a disabled person.
You may disagree with her stance or the way she has expressed it and we are sorry if the article caused offence.
We have passed your comments to Liz Jones and are grateful to you for taking the trouble of writing.

Managing Editor

Not impressed.

Ah well it is tea time again, at least making it will while away a few minutes.