Wednesday, 18 September 2013

So Tired, Tired of Waiting, Tired of Waiting For You.

Feeling a little stir crazy I turned my attentions to doing something a bit more positive and yesterday I unpacked and repacked my hospital bag in anticipation of 'the call'. To be fair I hadn't really repacked it after my trip to Aberystwyth in July so it really needed doing. Of course this got me thinking.

I thought about my friend at work who is still thriving after his transplant last year. Then I thought of Sita and her less than perfect experience and then of course poor Anne. Since going to Anne's funeral I've experienced something almost akin to panic attacks when thinking about going through with the transplant. I've tried to concentrate on John and how well he's doing but it's difficult. Before Anne I was so sure I'd sail through everything and be fighting fit in a couple of months. Anne's plight has really been a much needed reality check that things don't always go to plan.

Of course the fear is also mixed with frustration at not having had the call yet. I know people who have been on the list for a lot longer than me so really I shouldn't complain. However I tired of waiting for the call now and am actually not really all that sure I want it. Within a couple of hours of the simple act of stuffing a towel into a suitcase I'm a screwed up mass of mixed emotions. Take it from me, thinking can be seriously bad for your health.

Smirnoff of course loved the fact I was packing as it gave him an opportunity to sit in a drawer. He is such a naughty boy at the moment, it's almost like having a kitten back in the house. At least his antics did raise a smile, and a laugh when he missed his footing and fell out of a drawer. One of the reasons for keeping pets, they can really rescue your mood.

So after a rather depressing day I've woken up this morning full of anticipation. My uniform is pressed and hanging on the door ready for tomorrow and I'm ready to go back to work.

OK, I'm not fully, fully fit. I'm still a bit bunged up but rather than think I have a sinus infection I'm now thinking it's just normal post cold irritation and will pass in time. I'm only going back for one day, which is ideal as it allows me to judge whether I'm really ready before committing to a full week from Monday.

It is going to be a very busy weekend though. On Friday we are taking Andrew shopping to stock up for his new term. We've decided to give Aldi a try. A lot of my friends are raving about the price and the quality so we thought 'why not'. Especially as we always end up paying for Andrew's stuff so if we can get it a bit cheaper it would be a bonus. I'll let you know what I think after my visit. Saturday we are 'hopefully' picking up his new bike in the morning and then going to the party in the afternoon. On Sunday we are moving Andrew into his new digs. At this rate I'll be going back to work on Monday just for a rest.

The sun is out so I'm off up the garden in a few minutes to gather more blackberries. I didn't get to make the muffins, I fell asleep in front of the TV instead. I will make a better effort this afternoon, I promise.

So what to do on my last sick day, well I'm just going to chill. The temptation is to rush around doing things but I don't think that will help my situation at all. So a little bit of gentle blackberry picking, got to get my fresh air remember, a little bit of gentle baking and a DVD this afternoon fits the bill nicely.

Before I know it the weekend will be here and my sense of anticipation will increase. Evenings and weekends are the most likely times you can get 'the call', so although I'll be out and about enjoying myself it will be with one ear on the phone. How I wish I could just forget about it and really let rip but I can't and that is how life is, for now.

Today we are booking our hotel for our little break in October. It is only going to be three nights away but not having to worry about cooking, cleaning or doing anything other than what I want to do is going to be sheer bliss. I can't wait. We are going to Canterbury as I've always wanted to visit the cathedral there. I'm not particularly religious but I do love the architecture of our cathedrals and churches. So excited!

Well time for my little bit of foraging, next blog Friday.