Monday, 8 October 2012

Faith, Hope And Charity

I'm off to Papworth in a couple of hours to see whether they think I am suitable for transplant. Fortunately I've been so busy this last week that I've only really had a chance to think about it now. I am swinging between depression as I'm convinced they will say no and excitement as the other half of me is saying they wouldn't be seeing you if there was absolutely no hope. I am trying to remain in neutral but it is very difficult not to believe that this is a good sign. After all they must have seen all the test results from Harefield by now and yet they still want to see me, it's got to be good hasn't it? Have faith Hazel, have faith.

So how have the last few days been? Well busy and a little bit annoying to be honest. I am very proud that I got through my first full day at work for eighteen months but it wasn't exactly a normal day so no real test. I'm doing another full day next week which might just give me a better picture of how I'm coping.

Andrew came back for his birthday and was bubbling with enthusiasm for his course. I knew once the proper lessons started he would be happier and I was right, thank goodness. Despite me being in work all weekend he enjoyed his time at home and loved his present. We gave him a GPS as he will soon be having to negotiate London roads to get to his ambulance station for his placement. Getting lost would not give the right impression. He tested it last night on his way back to college and arrived with no diversions so it must have worked. He will not be coming home next weekend as he is going out with some mates from his course. Although I will be sad not to see him I'm glad he now feels comfortable enough to stay and enjoy himself. Phew!

It is now a week since April went missing and hope of finding her alive is fading. Most of the professional services involved in the search believe from past experience that they are now looking for a body but have not yet scaled down the search. They have stopped the night searches now, which is a clear sign that the urgency has gone out of the situation and they are now going to adopt a more methodical approach.

They are now searching a disused quarry but I personally think she was dumped in the river. The river is swollen and fast flowing so would be a perfect place to get rid of a body. Knowing the coastline along that area if she has got as far as the estuary then there is little hope of her ever being found. The currents around there are very strong and the chances are that she will either wash ashore on one of the beaches in Aberystwyth or Anglesea, that's if she every does wash up. Poor child, I hope against hope that whatever was done to her was done quickly so that she wasn't frightened and didn't suffer very long.

Mark Bridger the man now charged with her abduction and murder has also been charged with perverting the course of justice. Given that the search has been so wide I am willing to bet he has said very little and is refusing to say where she is. You can only wonder what sort of person can be that callous because I can't understand that mind set at all. Apparently he was tearful in court today but you can bet not one of those tears were shed for April.

The row over Jimmy Saville is gathering pace and, although I expressed my doubts about the stories in a recent blog, the number of accounts, not just from women but from those that knew him, makes me realise something definitely did go on.

There are rumours that executives and others in high places said nothing because Saville, if exposed, would stop raising the vast amounts of money for charity that he was most famous for. I'm sorry but that is no excuse. Admittedly that money was needed and some very good things were done with it but it was dirty money. I'm sure the recipients would have rejected it to a man if they'd have known the conditions put upon it being available.

The weight of evidence against Saville is growing by the day but I still cannot understand why, if all these people knew about it, did no one say anything. They say people were scared of him, he was a powerful man and could wreck careers but Michael Jackson was a 'powerful man' but he was dragged through the courts. OK he was aquitted but the suspicions remained and his career and health never recovered.

I can understand the women, because they were just young girls in those days, being worried about being believed but I can't understand or believe that big powerful men were so scared they said nothing.

Jimmy Saville will never face charges, the stripping of his knighthood, the removal of his name from streets and charities will mean absolutely nothing to him now, he is being judged somewhere else, but hopefully those complicit in his crimes will be brought to book. I suspect that once the enquiries start in earnest, his will not be the only big name to be shamed. Some I'm sure will shock and surprise, with a bit of luck all will be punished.

Well got to go and get ready, I want to look my best, first impressions and all that. Wish me luck.