Sunday, 31 March 2013

Easter - A Time For Rebirth

Well I did finally get to sit down and read all the stuff I'd been sent about going back to teaching.

Some of it I knew already, some I didn't and I must admit the more I read, the more my heart sank. I'm looking at at least two years of retraining to get my subject knowledge back up to scratch and that is before I even contemplate looking for a job, more if I decide to change subject. I could do supply work but I know from experience what a nightmare that is. I was just about to have a little cry when suddenly I had an epiphany, what on earth was I thinking?

My classroom

Should I be lucky enough to be given the ultimate gift one human being can give to another am I really going to waste it by working my socks off? Do I really want to spend my days trying to teach the unteachable? Do I want to spend my evenings sitting at the dining table until nine or ten o'clock marking and planning. Do I want to deal with all the paperwork that goes with it? Do I want to write reports but be unable to say what I really think? Do I? Really?

I've worked almost constantly since I was eighteen and if I wasn't working I was studying. Even when on a career break with the boys I did some pub work a couple of days a week and studied for my degree. And while I was doing all that, like most people, I was putting things off. Anything I wanted o do could wait 'until I retire'. Well what if I don't make it to retirement, what happens then? All those wasted opportunities and I'm still putting things off. Why? Why not just get out there and get on with it?

I was proud of my wall displays

There is so much I still haven't done. I want to spend a couple of months exploring Australia and New Zealand. I want to see the Pyramids in Egypt. I want to try my hand at skiing. I want to revisit Rome, spend the day wandering around the ancient city and finish the day sitting outside sipping wine and eating spagetthi in the warmth of the evening. OK so I won't be able to leave the country for the first year but there is plenty of Britain I want to visit. I want to walk around Edinburgh, climb Snowdon, visit the Jurassic coast and walk the coastal path in Anglesey.

So much to do and so little time to do it in. They say you should only regret what you didn't do and whoever said it was right. Regretting things that have happened, things you cannot change is just a waste of time and energy. I don't want to leave this earth with a lot of regrets. Of course I know it is too late for me in my present condition but if I get the chance I'm going to knock off as many of those regrets as I can.

This just isn't me anymore.

We may have to downsize to do it but with both kids gone permanently in a couple of years time do we really still need a four bedroomed house? Yes it is a nice thing to have but not a necessity. That is something we'll have to discuss if and when the times comes.

So the teaching stuff is in the recycling and I'm planning the biggest holiday of my life. After all what is the point of being reborn if nothing changes?