Saturday, 10 November 2012

Chavtastic.

Andrew is home for the weekend and is hungry.

He was supposed to arrive for lunch but got caught up in the tailback cause by a huge accident on the M1. When he did finally arrive he was starving and scoffed down a big bowl of beef stew in seconds. Then he excitedly related all the things he'd learned over the last two weeks before whipping out a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff and checking me out. He says he needs practice and to be fair, apart from blowing the cuff up too tight and causing my hand to turn blue and tingle, he got my pressures spot on.

We then headed out to do some shopping. Andrew wanted to stock up on tinned tomatoes, pasta and rice so we headed for Costco in Milton Keynes. We decided to avoid the motorway and went across country instead. Everything was going fine until we tried to cross the roundabout over the M1 at junction 13 and found another huge accident. We were turned around and had to retrace our steps until we could take another route.

When we got to Costco my trike was quickly assembled and off we went. I zoomed around and bought loads of treats using the excuse of having to put on weight. We then moved onto to Tesco and this is where the only sour note of the day took place.

As I left Tesco's on my little trike with Peter beside me with the trolley and Andrew bringing up the rear, we passed two girls, both in their early twenties. To my horror they started pointing at me hooting at the top of their voices, even worse they followed me still hooting with laughter. Peter and I just ignored them but Andrew was furious and would have taken them on if I hadn't called him over. To do this I stopped and turned getting my first good look at them. Then I started laughing. This pair, who obvious thought I looked totally ridiculous were dressed in the following, from the top down. Croydon face lifts (this is where the hair is scrapped back into such a tight bun or pony tail it pulls the skin on the face tight), hair badly streaked with blond and obviously unwashed, heavy make up including false eyelashes, matching bright pink 'onesees' (the new craze for adult sized baby grows) and stained ugg boots. Now I think size six Cheryl Cole can just about pull the onesee look off but two size sixteen chavs certainly cannot. Peter and Andrew also started laughing and this unpleasant pair soon retreated back towards the store deeply offended.

Fortunately the drive home was straightforward and we were home and unpacked in no time at all. I spent the evening in front of the TV happily snacking on nuts, crisps, hot chocolate and grapes, well I can still eat my fruit of course.

This is the first weekend in a long time when I can truly say I feel at peace with the world again. I'm happy and relaxed and slept like a baby all night through instead of waking in the small hours and worrying about the future. I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders and I can look to the future with hope instead of dread. This is a feeling I want to hold on to for as long as I can. To ensure this happens I have started my 'diet' and have swapped low fat for high fat. I discovered that by swapping from semi skimmed to full fat milk I'm gaining an extra twenty calories for every 100ml I drink. It doesn't sound much but having it in my porridge, Complan and hot chocolate it means I'm taking in an extra hundred calories or more a day without actually eating anything extra.I haven't tried the lolly trick yet but I haven't had too as I'm going through a rather stable period as far as my nausea is concerned though I have them on standby. I won't say anymore because I don't want to turn into a calorie counting bore.

Oh my goodness I am going to be so spoiled over the next few weeks. I'm A Celeb, Strictly and The Apprentice. I won't know what to watch first. My poor Tivo will be working overtime.

I finally got a leaflet through the door from one of the candidates for the PCC elections next week, yay!

In the news the sad deaths of Clive Dunn and Bill Tarmey have been reported. Both were TV icons in their day and will be sadly missed by legions of fans. I just hope someone doesn't decide to come forward with any scurrilous accusations about them.

Well my little gannet is making hungry noises so I'm off to start chopping up the veggies for a Ginger Beef Stir Fry. I don't know if I've ever posted the recipe for this so here it is.

For four people

250g thin slice beef strips. Marinade overnight in four table spoons of dark soy sauce and an inch of fresh ginger root, grated.

Thinly slice 1 red and 1 green pepper along with 1 medium carrot and approx 4 closed cup mushrooms.

Heat a wok until a drop of water sizzles and evaporates when dropped on the surface. Add about 2 tablespoons of sesame oil and heat for a minute or two. Add the beef strips and stir quickly for 2 mins then add the veg and stir for a further 1 min. Finally add bean sprouts, noodles and/or precooked rice and stir for a further 2 mins. If there is not enough liquid to coat all the ingredients add another tablespoon of soy sauce. When throughly heated through serve immediately. This recipe also works well with pork and any other veg of your choice.

Right, now I've written it down I'd better go and do it.