Thursday, 29 March 2012

Dumb And Dumber

Thank you so so much Mr Cameron for making a difficult job even harder. You cannot imagine the number of complaints for obstructed roads, all outside filling stations, that we've had today.

Well I made it through four eight hour shifts, almost. I certainly didn't feel as tired as I did last week but today things caught up with me, the heat certainly didn't help, and I was forced to throw in the towel an hour early. I've decided that as I'm struggling a bit at the moment to drop my hours back down a bit just until I pick up speed again. This is something I really do not want to do but I'm afraid that if I don't then I might end up having more time off. So for two weeks I'm going to do four seven hour days and will reassess things. My employers are being very patient and have said several times they'd rather I were there for shorter hours than not there at all.

I went to see the Occupational Health doctor today for one of our regular catch ups and he is worried about me. He said I was working 'at the extreme limit' of my capabilities at the moment and has put a halt on me increasing my hours back to my normal ten anytime soon. We had a long talk and even discussed early retirement due to ill health. I'm not quite ready for that yet but it is something I've been mulling over for some time. I do think this is going to be a make or break year for me. If I don't get my transplant I can't honestly see me still being able to work much longer. I've tried to carry on as normally as possible for as long as possible and in all honesty I think I've done pretty well considering it is five years since diagnosis and I'm supposed to be dead already. However PH is now encroaching into my everyday living more each day. I no longer look 'well' and my weight loss has weakened me more than I thought. Knowing me I'll suddenly perk up again and all thoughts of giving up work will fly from my head for a while or I'll become ill again and the decision will be taken from my hands. If I am really honest I don't want to rush into retirement because I know that after transplant I'll, eventually, be as fit as the next person and be able to work the same hours as the next person. I like my job and would be heart broken if I gave it up and then the next day got my transplant. I could always return to teaching but I don't know if I could face all the retraining I'd have to do. Five years out is a long time in teaching, especially in IT. Arrggghhh! Why can't I just have an easy black or white decision to make, why does it have to always be so complicated?

It was The Apprentice again last night and I have a new hate figure. Jane the team leader of the girls is deliciously obnoxious and thick with it.

The task this week was to invent a new product. I always like this task because sometimes what they come up with is genius, mostly though it is just crap and that's what was produced last night. The boys invented a bin but somehow managed to win, despite the concerted efforts of Ashar to make a balls up of things, and went off to celebrate in The Ivy. The girls invented a device to stop children splashing water out of the bath. Despite their protests that it was an 'entertainment device' it looked like a toy, had things dangling off it like a toy, it was a toy. As for stopping water coming out of the bath, well as they managed to demonstrate it was pretty useless at doing what it was designed for. They totally ignored their market research which favoured their other idea, a tap cover, and Jane topped it all off my telling the buyers to order a million units then shouted at everyone for not stopping her. Jane pouts, shouts everybody down and admits to being a 'leader not a team player'. However she managed to put the blame for the teams failure on the shoulders of Maria who had the misfortune to fall asleep in the car from sheer exhaustion. Sleep is for wimps apparently and Maria was out.

One of my neighbours is cooking something that smells absolutely delicious, I'm off to find something to eat.