Saturday, 25 February 2012

When You Are Down You Are Down

I am watching for news on one of my fellow PH sufferers who is very poorly at the moment.

Miriam has been a bit of a rock to me over the last few years. She was one of the first to extend that hand of friendship and support when I joined the PHA website just after being diagnosed. She answered all my questions, gave me advice, even when I didn't want it, and was just there for me. It was Miriam who supported me through the grief when I realised all the things I loved doing, from teaching to taking a Sunday stroll across the fields near my home, would soon be beyond my reach. It was Miriam who remained by my side when the anger hit and I lashed out at everyone, just wanting to hurt as much as I was hurting. She was one of the few who kept talking me through it when others wouldn't or couldn't understand. Now the news has come that Miriam is very, very ill and I feel helpless, frustrated and angry that this disease is just marching it's way through people I care for. Hopefully it will prove to be just a blip and Miriam will pull through. Thinking of you Miriam.

It has been a depressing couple of days. I improved in leaps and bounds for the first few days after coming out of hospital but since Wednesday I seem to have come to a halt. I cannot get over the 250 mark on the peak flow meter for love nor money and I feel 'ill'. My breathing has improved, there is no doubt about it but I feel that everything is far to much effort and I'm off my food. My chest aches, probably from all the coughing I've done and feels heavy and sore. I still bring up the odd bit of gunk but nothing like I was doing in the first few days. Despite that and the reassurances of the hospital that there is no infection I feel as though I might have one. I have decided that if I don't improve over the weekend I'll go and see my GP on Monday just to make sure something hasn't developed since I left hospital, after all anything can happen in a week. I'm also going to contact my clinical team and let them know that I've ground to a halt. They might be able to suggest something, such as an increase in the steroids, that will kick start the recovery again. On a more positive side I received an e mail from the hospital yesterday to tell me my iron count was 'in range' so I can stop taking the iron tablets. Thank goodness for that, at least now I can strike chronic indigestion off my list of ailments.

This afternoon it is the clash that every Welsh/English rugby fan looks forward too with a mixture of hope and dread. I would say it is even stevens for today's match as Wales have been playing well and England are not truly on form at the moment. Whatever the result it will be nice to have something to take my mind off things, though expect a deep trough of depression if Wales loses.