Friday, 20 May 2011

Tell Her About It, Tell Her Everything You Feel.

My goodness did we have a downpour on Wednesday, unfortunately the weight of the water has damaged the canes supporting the clematis leaving it lying on the ground so under close supervision Peter had to go out and rig up a support until it is dry enough to get out and replace it. The plant itself seems relatively unharmed but has lost a few leaves.

Had my appointment with the counsellor/hypnotherapist yesterday day. The appointment was originally meant to be on Wednesday but got  rescheduled for Thursday instead hence the gap in blogs. I'm not big on the touchy-feely, discuss you problems with everyone kind of girl. I'm the more the keep it to yourself, deal with it, act as if nothing has changed kind of girl, which my counsellor said made me a repressive. OK, not sure I'm liking the sound of that but decided to go and check this counselling lark out anyway.

Well what can I say. I am totally bemused never having had an experience like it. I went in without any preconceived ideas, which didn't help really as the first thing she asked me was what I wanted to get out of the sessions. The only thing I could come up with was to have a greater acceptance of what was happening to me and to end my fear of needles. She then gave me a questionnaire. I am the questionnaire queen, I just love them so settled down to fill it in and relaxed a bit. The questions really made me think about how I felt, which I expect they were meant to do and after reading my answers she declared that I wasn't depressed. Whoop-de-doo I didn't think I was depressed either so we already agreed on something. 

After a chat during which I felt everything I said was being examined we came up with a plan. First and foremost my needle phobia because she felt that this was causing me most anxiety and was the biggest barrier to my own well being. Once that is sorted we can get on with dealing with the frustration and anger I feel about being ill (this apparently came through in some of my answers to the questionnaire). She decided to start me off by teaching me some self relaxation techniques that I should practice everyday. This apparently will give my body and mind some downtime and will teach me to be 'nice' to myself, and this is where the weird bit comes in.

She got me to lie down on the couch (classic, loved it) and then announced she was going to hypnotise me to make it easier for me to do the exercises at home as being hypnotised will re-enforce the feelings of relaxation. No chance I thought, I am too strong minded you'll never get me under. Her voice is similar to that of Freda in Holby City, if you have never seen Holby City then imagine a very strong eastern block accent. I think she might be Russian but didn't have the nerve to ask. Anyway to understand her I had to listen carefully while she got me to focus on my hands and feel them warming up, do you know they did actually get warmer. Then she told me to put my hands on my chest and tell my heart and lungs how much I loved them and thank them for keeping me alive which was very weird but again my whole chest became very warm. She then told me to close my eyes and think of a warm comfortable place where I felt happy, in no time at all I was back on Waikiki beach watching my husband teach my boys to snorkel while I sunbathed. I could hear the waves and even smell the sea and the counselors voice had just vanished. I felt liked I'd been there hours when I started to count, so I must have still been hearing her but not consciously. By the time I got to six my eyes were open, by eight I was sitting up and by ten I was back in the chair as though nothing had happened. It had all taken about fifteen minutes. She said that from now on every time I relax I will know if I am doing it properly because I will return to that place.

The strangest thing is that when I left her office my breathing was definitely better than it had been going in and it remained so along with the warm feeling in my chest right up until I went to bed. So has it done me any good? Well yes in that I did feel more relaxed afterwards but I don't know if that is just because I was relieved that it wasn't as bad as I expected. Will I go again? Yes, I have another appointment next week as I'm keen to see if she really can help me relax around needles. Do I think it will help me in the long term. I don't know but I'm more willing to give it a go than I was yesterday, so time will tell.

Heard today that an old school mate of mine is about to become the proud dad of twin girls. Congratulations Philip, I hope all goes well. 

Andrew had his first AS level exam today in Maths. Came back saying he felt more confident than he did last time though there was just one question he couldn't work out, sounds promising.

We are all at home for the weekend for the first time in about a month. Looking forward to some family meals and of course film night.