Sunday, 15 May 2011

I Get Pushed Down But I Get Up Again

Had another complaint today, from the same person as previously, berating me for writing a blog that was all about me. Huh? So what am I supposed to write MY blog about then? Crazy.

Beaten by Azerbaijan (since when has that been in Europe) and Jedward. Shameful. I didn't watch but my eldest decided not to join us for film night and came bounding down the stairs to give us the result. My turn to choose the film and this time I chose something that was neither comedy or chick flick much to everyone's surprise. I was in the mood for suspense and drama so Apollo 13 it was. A very good film but a tad long. The viewing was somewhat spoiled by my youngest guffawing at scenes such as 'we are hoping to develop a computer pretty soon that will fit in one room' to gasps of amazement and wonder from other characters. Hysteria set in again at the thought of anyone being so upset at the break up of the Beatles that they would lock themselves in their room. I finally snapped when he express surprise at how primitive things were 'in the old days'. He remained quiet after I reminded him that I was nine at the time of the moon landings and didn't quite class myself as ancient just yet.

I'm in a bit of a bad way today. My chest feels as though I've got an elephant sitting on it. It is really strange how one day you can feel next to normal and the next day be unable to do anything at all. Head wise I'm feeling quite a bit better today. I am thankful that I tend to be quite a positive person so I never stay down for very long. I'm also quite practical so know that I have to do this to get better. Once you've got your head around why something has to happen it is so much easier to accept.

I had a phone call from work yesterday. I'm going to be getting a visit sometime next week. It'll be nice to see some different faces and I'm looking forward to hearing all the gossip. I really miss work. PH is such a lonely illness, you are trapped inside a body which doesn't want to work the way you want it to. Unless you have special equipment, such as a wheelchair or mobility scooter and a willing relative or friend to go out with it is so easy to become a bit of a recluse. There are those with PH who can get around pretty well on their own, I've been one of them up to now. Being like I am now only makes me admire those who live with really bad PH day in, day out even more. How do they do it without driving everyone and themselves mad? I would be impossible if it were me because I'm not good at being ill or dependent on others for very long. I'm doing ok so far but it won't be long before I reach my limit. It would be so much easier if I live closer to relatives but my sister and mother live in Wales and my brother in Scotland and to be fair my sister has her own problems. She has developed nasty ulcers in her mouth as a result of vitamin deficiency due to her anorexia so is not in a good place at the moment. My mum on the other hand is now in her 70's and really cannot be expected to look after me. My friends although very supportive cannot spend much time with me due their own work/family commitments. It is terrifying how quickly you fall out of the loop if you just can't get to the pub/workplace/restaurant or don't feel up to going out. My husband and son's do their best but I sometimes crave female company.  

A quick tour of the garden revealed no damage following the heavy overnight rain. Indeed the clemitis in particular has shot up and looks very healthy. I wish the same could be said for my carrots which appear to have been dug up by some small furry rodent. The suspect was seen hopping across the law this afternoon before disappearing up a tree and into next door's garden. I have always loved having squirrels in the garden and have encouraged them so cannot really complain. I have loads of seeds left over so will just have to re-plant when weather and health permit.