Friday, 27 May 2011

Retail Therapy

I am feel ing a lot better today. Not so much breathing wise but head wise. As always a good moan has done the job and I'm back to my more positive self.

Off to the Brompton for my therapy session. The roads were horrendous and it took us over two hours to get there but thankfully just as we were arriving I got a text from the counsellor to say she was also running late and putting my appointment back by fifteen minutes. As a result I actually had time to sit in the cafe and have a cup of tea and a flapjack. The session focussed on my needle phobia and she concluded that the fear must stem from when I had my heart op when I was five (not that I hadn't worked that one out for myself) and decided to regress me back to that time to try and find the source of the fear. So I lay on the bed and we did the relaxation exercise and before I knew it I was back on the beach. Then she said a screen had been put up on the beach and next to me was a projector with different clips of important events in my life. She told me that I was watching a movie going back to the earliest days of my life. Well everything was going well until she said I was now watching a movie of myself as a little girl in hospital waiting to have my operation. Nothing, just a total blank, she asked me what I could see and I said nothing, just black. 'How do you feel?' 'Very scared.' We tried to get past the black several time but just couldn't. So she brought me out of it and is now convinced that I was so traumatised by something that I've totally repressed it, all we have to do is find a way of unlocking it. Easier said than done. Anyway during the next week I'm to play the movie everyday during my relaxation time and see if I can remember anything, anything at all which will give us a starting point. I'm not holding out any hope but am perfectly willing to give it a go. Next appointment next Friday.

One thing that has come out of these sessions is the fact that I am not very nice to myself. I never treat myself, never just go and do something for fun. It is true, I only go shopping if I actually need something, shopping for fun is something I don't think I've ever done. Spurred on by the councellor telling me I needed to do something nice for myself every day I promptly went and bought myself a lovely floaty maxi summer dress in cream with roses on it and a lovely tunic type top in a bright flower themed pattern. The only practical thing about them is that they both have wide straps that will cover the Hickman line. While liking the fact that I was treating myself for once, Peter is hoping I don't indulge in this sort of therapy to often or it could turn out to be a bit expensive.

Saw my clinical nurse specialist. She agreed I cannot continue like I am so is going to phone my PCT to try and get an answer Monday . She is also going to chase up the transplant team so hopefully things will start moving soon.

And now I need to ask for your help.

A review of the children's services in England has recommended that Royal Brompton's heart surgery for children should stop. If heart surgery stops at the Royal Brompton, all other services for children will follow. It simply won't be viable to carry on doing them and this will result in a further knock-on effect for adult services too. Please, please, please click on one of the links below to see what you can do to help and to sign the petition. or
Thank you.