Sunday, 25 August 2013

Painted Ladies

I nearly choked on my tea this morning. I was flipping through my morning paper when I came upon the unedifying sight of Cheryl Cole's bottom covered in the most hideous tattoo I'd ever seen.

Why do people do that to themselves? Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against tattoos as long as they are discrete and tasteful. This one is neither of this things. Some will argue that it will be covered up most of the time so what's the problem? Well for one she has splashed her bottom all over the papers, that doesn't sound much like she intends to keep it covered does it. Small tattoos can be very classy, big, hideously coloured ones? Well, they don't call them tramp stamps for nothing. Cheryl my dear, your roots are showing and I'm not talking about your hair. To be frank this tattoo smacks of desperation. Desperate to prove she is still young enough to be rebellious. Desperate to keep her name in the headlines. Desperate to prove that her career is not at an end. Excuse me? When did she last sing? One thing I can be 98% sure of is that give another decade and we'll be reading about how she regrets ever getting the thing because tattoos are so 'uncool.'

Tattoos look better on men.

Another aging 'pop princess' has also been desperately trying to prove she is still 'up with the kids' by wearing a hideous gold metal grill over her teeth. This is apparently the height of fashion. I remember when fashion was there to enhance your looks and make you as attractive as possible. Now it seems the uglier the better. I am, of course, talking about Madonna. When she first came to notice back in the eighties she was truly gorgeous. Now she looks like a shop dummy whose teeth have been left unfinished. A bit like Edward Scissorhands only in this case Madonna Scissorteeth. She's no stranger to the tattooists needle either.

They say that when you reach a certain age a woman has to choose between her face or her body. When you hit middle age it is natural to 'fill out' a little and there is a reason for this. Extra weight acts as padding for more delicate bones, protecting us from breaks and fractures. Most people will not like being heavier but a fuller face means less wrinkles, it's natures version of botox. So you have to choose, carry a little extra weight and have a younger looking face or work like a Trojan to get the weight off and risk a thin gaunt face with loads of wrinkles. Madonna, as we all know, chose her body, which is why her face has more plastic in it than my microwave. There are even rumours that she has had fat pads put in to give herself plumper cheeks. Why spend so much money when a Mars bar or extra Yorkshire pudding  at Sunday lunch will do exactly the same for a fraction of the cost? I just don't get it, I really don't. And to be honest, despite all the work, Madonna's super fit body may be sculptured, she may have biceps of steel and a washing board stomach but is it attractive?

Yesterday I did my annual round up of my PH journey so far and I am amazed at how many of you related to what I'm saying. Almost every single one of those that contacted me via facebook or email started their PH journey with a diagnoses of Asthma. Maybe it is time that Asthma clinics and PH clinics got together and worked on a plan to sort out the real asthmatics from the PH suffers as quickly as possible. We all know that early diagnoses means a longer life expectancy but most of us are WHO class three or four when we are diagnosed, which is far, far too late. Joint clinics maybe? At least at the diagnostic stage to determine exactly what it is surely would be sensible. Thank you for listening to my ramble yesterday, it was really great to get it all off my chest. I feel more settled now and ready for the next step.

It is another dreary day at Chez Roberts. The rain hasn't stopped since early Saturday morning and it is so dark I've had to turn the study light on in order to see my keyboard. I was rather hoping for a lie in but was rudely awoken by a text from Andrew at half past six stating his bike was playing up. He made it to work and thinks he'll get home but I have been put on standby in case I have to do a rescue mission. At least  it is the last day of his placement so we will have a few days to sort it out. Apart from that little bit of excitement the only thing I've got to look forward to is the Grand Prix this afternoon. With three Brits in the top ten of the grid it should be quite exciting, especially if the rain is coming down in buckets like it is here.

Peter is braving the rain this morning to attend a computer fair in the hope of picking up some cheap bits and pieces so I am at home on my own for a change. However the scope for mischief has been severely curtailed by the weather so I'm off to make some blueberry muffins instead.