Wednesday, 18 July 2012

A Day Like Today

In a surprise move I am at home today instead of at work. My body ambushed me and as a result I am typing this instead of dealing with someone who wants to tell me in no uncertain terms that I am 'bloody useless' just because I cannot put them through to someone who is on holiday/sick/on nights.

I'm having what I call a 'can't be arsed' day but what other PH suffers will recognise as a 'nothing I can put my finger on just incredibly shattered' day. I knew it was on the cards, I've been building up to it for some time. First there was the disappointment of not being put back on the transplant list, then the breast scare and all the time I've had this nagging mild cold that doesn't develop but doesn't go away either. It has been stress city the last few weeks and it doesn't look like ending anytime soon as I still haven't heard from Papworth. It was bound to get me in the end.

I though I was in trouble yesterday when it took an enormous effort to drag myself out of bed. Once up and running though I felt ok so didn't really think anything of it and happily did my full nine hour day. However when the alarm went off this morning my brain was going 'get up, get up' while my body just went 'sod it, I just cannot do it today'. The body won, admittedly without much of a fight, so I called in sick and went back to sleep only to awake three hours later feeling a hell of a lot better. I feel so much better that I'm actually feeling guilty about not going in now.

Now I face the tricky question of whether to go in tomorrow. The sensible me says stay at home, you obviously need some rest while my guilt complex is saying you are letting everyone down, they are short staffed enough as it is. My problem is that I don't like staying at home for something I consider to be trivial. Unfortunately with PH something trivial can turn into something life threatening at the drop of a hat. All I can do is rest up and see how I feel later on, at the very worst it will be another six o'clock call to work to say I can't come in.

Our planned power cut on Monday went on longer than promised and as a result I arrived home to find the bathroom completely wrecked. OK, maybe 'completely' is a bit of an exaggeration but certainly 'a mess' wouldn't be short of the mark. The problem was that Peter spent the morning chipping away the old tiles and had planned to vacuum up the mess before leaving for work at one. Unfortunately by twelve there was still no power so he cleared up as best he could and left a note saying he would tidy up properly when he got home at six. Then he was asked to stay until ten so I set about cleaning the bath, dusting everything else and vacuuming up what was left. I'd done in half an hour but could have done with out that on top of a nine hour shift.

Yesterday Peter was at home all day so set about removing some of the fixtures like the shelves and peeling off the wallpaper. This time I arrived home to a clean house as he'd vacuumed everything before I got home. Today things are progressing at a frightening pace and all but the shower area tiles have now gone and he is sanding down the walls and preparing for the new tiles. Tomorrow, after I've showered, the rest of the tiles will go and the new ones will start to go up. From Friday I am restricted to baths only and will have to wash my hair in the sink which I have no problem with. The goal is to have the shower back in working order by the time I return to work on Tuesday, a bit ambitious if you take in our track record and our motto of 'if it can go wrong it will' but we will see.

It is raining again, usually if home unwell I like to sit in the garden with a book to get some fresh air. I will even do this in winter, wrapped up well of course, as it make me feel better. Absolutely no chance of doing that unless I want to put on a wet suit and reach the decking by kayak. To be honest I'm not entirely convinced that the weather hasn't had a hand in my downfall as humidity makes breathing so much harder, and if you have trouble breathing you use up extra energy and so get tired quicker. And I really think it is being tired rather than ill that is the problem today.  So it is an afternoon of DVD's for me, feeling doubly guilty because I'm not at work or able to help out with the decorating, damn my work ethic.