Thursday, 10 April 2014

Little Things Mean A Lot

Well I probably shouldn't tempt fate after what happened last time I said this but, I feel better!

I'm not the only one enjoying the sunshine
Once again I'm back to eating normally and am frantically trying to pack in the calories before I visit Papworth on Friday. I'm onto a loser of course as there is no way I can put on six pounds and more in two days. Unless I resort to swallowing lead that is. I am gaining again slowly though and at least I'm not as light as when I first went to Papworth so things may not be as bad as I think they are. There is still no sign of my new meds, despite being promised them by the end of this week, and I still haven't had my meds tweaked but things have definitely improved to the point where I don't need oxygen to move around my home anymore.

Maybe it's the weather. The smog has moved away and it has been beautifully crisp out there. For a little while yesterday I sat in the dining room with the patio doors flung open so I could get some fresh air. It was wonderful to smell the grass and the faint aroma of flowers in the air. It perked me up so much I managed to bake a cake, yes things are definitely on the up. Of course staring out at my wreck of a garden I felt despair at not being able to get out there and do things. Thankfully Andrew has promised that over the weekend and during next week he'll get out and tidy up the patio and decking and cut the grass. That way if the weather is nice I can go and sit out on a garden chair to read without stressing about what needs doing, well not so much anyway.

This afternoon I've been promised a trip out in the car for a change of scenery. Andrew has his interview with the East of England Ambulance Service and it's the one he really wants to do well in so he's very nervous. I am not able to drive him so Peter is going to do the honours and I'm going along for the ride and some fresh air. I'm going stir crazy so it will be a nice distraction. Peter and I will find somewhere to park up and wait where I can watch the outside world. I know it is only a little thing but I'm so excited.

Then on Friday it is off to Papworth. I have to confess I'm a bit nervous about this visit as my recent illness will certainly be under scrutiny. However what do they expect? I'm so ill I need a transplant so logic dictates that I'm going to have the odd blip. They can't expect me to stay the same year in year out. I am most nervous about my weight loss but I weigh more, despite the blip, than I did when they put me on the list so I don't think that will be a cause for taking me off the list. I will be prepared for another lecture though to which I will reply that they should try being on meds that make you feel sick all the time and see how much weight they are able to gain. That is the only thing that annoys me about Papworth, they think gaining weight should be so easy.

Apart from baking a cake and sitting in the dining room I didn't really do much yesterday except read, watch TV and sleep. Yes I know that is sort of the plan at the moment, but I do feel I'm wasting my life a bit. I also feel I've fallen into a bit of a routine and it's not one I really want to be in. So it is time to try and break the cycle. I'm doing small things to help out. This morning I'm going to do a little bit of ironing, just the essentials but it will be something. If all goes well then I'll be encouraged to try other things like cooking a meal etc. What I'm trying to do is find my limitations rather than assume them.

Of course what I really want to do is try and get back to work. I know it sound silly but I miss dealing with other peoples problems and I really, really miss my colleagues and their wit. I never have a day when I don't laugh. My sick note runs out on Tuesday and I've decided to aim for a return on Wednesday. I know it may not happen but if it does then that will be a tremendous boost for me. OK, I may need some extra help until I get my new meds, and goodness knows when that will be, but I've always found that being at work can actually make me feel better. There is nothing quite like having your mind taken off things. I promise I won't do anything stupid but I do need something to aim for to kick me back into gear. It is surprisingly easy to be an ill person if your mind is set that way.

Talking of ill people. I read about another benefit cheat in the paper yesterday. This woman claimed she couldn't walk the length of a family car and then promptly posted pictures of herself on Facebook walking the Great Wall of China. I had to laugh. I mean how thick can you be? I used to think that those that cheated the benefit system must be really clever but it seems being devious is not related to intelligence.

Also in the news my paper has become a baby album for Prince George. Yes he is terribly cute but enough is enough!

Right I'd better go an wake my baby. He has requested I get him up early as he needs 'plenty of preening time'. Fingers crossed everybody.