Monday, 24 March 2014

All You Need Is Love...and a good night's sleep

My body finally overruled my mind last night and sent me into a twelve hour, deep, deep sleep. I woke only once when my alarm went off. I hit it, mumbled to Peter to phone work for me and went off again. By the time I woke at around half nine I felt calmer and much better than I'd hoped.

Last night I not only felt shattered but ill. My breathing wasn't right, I'd been sick and was feeling light headed so, with everything else, I'd already more or less decided to skip work today. I'd set my alarm more out of habit than hope that I'd be up to dealing with all the additional strains and stresses work brings. And I think I've discovered why I've felt so 'off' this weekend. I have a cold. All weekend I've been plagued by a dull, persistent headache and put it down to lack of sleep and being upset but it seems there was also a physical reason brewing. I can't say I'm surprised, Peter has been coughing and sneezing all week.

I woke to news that six year old Weston Keeton had also lost his battle with PH. This horrible illness is no respecter of age and this poor little boy never had a chance of a normal life.

Despite bad news piling on bad news I feel more positive than I have done for some days. It is amazing what a good night's sleep can do. It is also amazing what love can do and I have never felt so loved as I have over the last few days. Family, friends and colleagues, along with people I don't even know, have been so supportive. They have contacted me in every way there is, I have over thirty emails to replied too this morning and numerous face book messages. Everyone has said they are praying and hoping my time comes soon, even fellow sufferers who are in worse situations than me. Some have written to say how much they regret their inability to donate because they have illnesses that stop them from doing so. And some have even copied their donor registration into their messages.  And the most amazing thing? Not one person has been mean or nasty. I usually get a few along the lines of 'stop whinging' but not this time. The response has been 100% positive.

I've read back over my posts of the last few days and I am sorry I've been on such a downer but if they have inspired just one more person to sign the donor list this weekend then all the horrible feelings have been worth it.

So, if I can just shake this streamer, I think I might just have started the bounce back up. PH is not an easy illness to live with. Being on the transplant waiting list is as difficult as it comes. Put the two together and sometimes it becomes too much and you have the inevitable melt down. This weekend it was my turn to hit rock bottom, next week it will be someone else who needs to be pulled from the mire. Hopefully I can be as supportive to this person as all of you have been to me.

Thank you for reading my non stop pity party this weekend and thank you for caring enough not to turn your back.