Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Losing the Battle, Winning the War?

Hey ho, yes I'm at home, off sick, again!

This virus, or whatever it is, is really getting to me now. You think you've got rid of it, you begin to feel quiet well and then wham! It's back with a vengeance.

I went into work feeling slightly 'off' yesterday and as the day progressed I found myself feeling worse and worse. I was sick a couple of times and I felt so tired that it could have been Thursday not Monday. I woke this morning and had the usual brain versus body battle, body won on this occasion so I stayed in bed, rang in sick and then called the doctor. To be honest I don't know what he's going to do. Each time I've been there with it so far he's told me to rest, drink lots and get as much sleep as I can. I do all this, feel much better, go back to work and within a week it's back again. I'm guessing this pattern is about to be repeated. So long as I can be in work for next week I'll just go with the flow. All I care about is not ruining someones Christmas because they have to cover for me.

I would have added 'unless I get the call' to that but with the one year anniversary approaching this weekend I've sort of lost hope of ever getting the much longed for transplant. I'm sure I will pull myself around in the new year and once again will be filled with renewed hope and confidence that it will come. However I will never feel as hopeful or confident as I did this time last year, time has added doubt. I guess there is so many things stressing me out at the moment it is difficult to see anything positive.

Things like getting an email from the Brompton telling me my long awaited appointment to be put on Veletri might be delayed until February as there is an administrative hiccup delaying the signing off on the medication. I've no idea what that means but all it means to me is more disappointment and more delay. I seem to spend my entire life waiting for other people to do things so I can get on with life, and frankly I don't have the time to spare just hanging around.

So I will spend the day resting and feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the moanathon. Right time for my appointment, wish me luck.