Free Gifts And Fred West

I woke up this morning to dense fog and resigned myself to another day indoors in front of the TV wrapped up in unseasonal joggers and a cardi. How wrong was I! By ten the sun had come out and according to my weather station it is 19C and climbing.

I am going to spend some time indoors however as I'm watching the British Grand Prix this afternoon and have ironing to do for tomorrow but that still leaves plenty of time for a chill out in the garden with a good book and maybe a weak glass of Pimms.Here's hoping it isn't going to rain before I get out there.

Yesterday was a very full day, well the afternoon was. We went to Milton Keynes shopping center as Peter had broken his watch and wanted to see if the was anything nice in the John Lewis sale. I decided to nip along to L'Occitane to pick up a few bits and pieces, I love their hand cream and lip balm and walked out with a lovely free gift! They were doing a promotion where certain items had a secret code on them and I'd been lucky enough to pick one up. The bag contains shower gel, perfume, shampoo and conditioner, soap and hand cream. Just enough for a weekend away, which is rather fortunate because I am planning a weekend away to visit my mother.


Peter got a fabulous watch too. Italian, of course, and knocked down from £175 to £80, a real bargain. The spending didn't stop there either, we then visited the second hand book stall in the market and bought loads. Honestly I could have come away with the whole store but sadly still can't find the one book I need to get on with the series I'm reading. The search continues.

It was then off to Tesco where we made a rather alarming discovery. While Peter and I were busy at the checkout, Andrew wandered off to read the business cards and for sale notices on the wall. He returned with a business card for a builder and thrust it at Peter saying 'you'd have thought this bloke would have chosen a picture that looks a little less rapey.' Peter passed it to me and I was staggered, there on the card was a picture of mass murderer Fred West. A read of the card revealed more offensive material and we couldn't believe what we were seeing. Andrew had no idea why we were so shocked as he'd never heard of Fred West. We filled him in and he realised the significance. While I finished paying Peter took the card to customer services, who were equally appalled, and they quickly dispatched someone to remove all the cards she could find. They told Peter they would contact this bloke and advise him not to put cards up in their store again.

My first thought was that it was someone's idea of a joke but how sick would you have to be to make that kind of joke. And if the builder's name really is Fred West wouldn't you rather distance yourself as far as possible? Which ever reason for the cards it was very bad taste indeed.

Back home we watched Die Hard With A Vengance before heading off to bed. Up past midnight, naughty girl!

Today is much more relaxed and the garden, despite my negligence or maybe because if it, is looking really nice. Especially my climbing rose which smells divine, usually I trim it back in autumn but I was unable to do so last year and the result is an eruption of blooms. It will need cutting back a bit this year as it is beginning to interfere with the rotary line, but I won't be going mad as I'd quite like a similar display next year.

Well time to make lunch and settled down for the Grand Prix. Next blog Wednesday.

Death Of A Salesman

After a night of deep, restful sleep and a late get up I'm feeling slightly more positive this morning. All the things that were bad are fixable. Yes it is not nice having to have meds increased but once done I could be stable for another two years, or more.

Dr Wort recommended that I increase my intake of oral steroids for a few days to see whether they would calm the irritation down. I took three doses instead of two yesterday and my coughing and mucus production have both decreased. I will take four doses today and tomorrow and see what happens. If it works I'm to remain with the increase for a week and then gradually decrease again. It's worth a try.

I was shattered yesterday so only got to write the basics of my trip to London. Andrew came with us as he has never seen an Echo being performed and thought it would be a good learning experience. I had no objections so agreed to him sitting in with me. Unfortunately the person doing the Echo was a newbie and not given to chatter so instead of having the lovely chatty, informative experience I usually get there was complete silence throughout. Andrew knew enough to get something out of it though and though the image of the end of my line bobbing about inside the heart was very cool. It threw the radiographer though, who uttered his only sentence. 'What is that?'  I explained it was my line, how could he not have noticed/known what it was? I must say I wasn't impressed.

After seeing the doctor and Carl we headed off to my favourite London greasy spoon and biker cafe near the north circular. The meals were huge and delicious and I almost managed to finish mine but a fried egg, a rasher of bacon and half the beans had to stay behind.

The traffic in London and on the M1 was horrendous so it took us almost three hours to get from the Brompton to home and that is without the cafe stop over. No wonder I was tired, especially as I'd volunteered to drive. So I settled on the settee, mug of tea at the ready and watched the tennis. Murray won his match in straight sets so it was an uplifting end to a very stressful day all in all.

Today I am out and about again, though at a more leisurely pace, as I do the Tesco run. Then it is back on the settee to watch Murray's biggest rival Djockovic in action followed by the qualifying for the British Grand Prix which I'll have to record. Thankfully Sunday looks like it is going to be a quiet day.

The Apprentice Watch

Eyebrow Alex is no more! Stabbing in the back by Myles and his poisonous prawns, disaster!

The task this week was to come up with a ready meal brand. The candidates had to decide the recipe, cook samples and brand the meal before trying to palm it off on some of Britain's biggest supermarkets.

At last Alex was given the chance to be PM and sat his team, consisting of Jordan, Myles and Lip Gloss Leah, down to discuss their target market and quickly came up with kids meals. Alex decided on a brand called Poppity Ping, Welsh for microwave though I have say I'm Welsh and I call it a microwave. Still it was a good idea particularly as Alex wanted to do meals from around the world and give the kids a bit of a geography lesson at the same time. Myles wasn't impressed and pulled rank with the fact that being a father he knew that kids were more likely to go for something weird and horrible. And so Deadly Dinners were born complete with black packaging and skull motif.

Over on the other team Neil took charge, which was a bit of a feat considering he had Luisa and Francesca on his team. Luisa quickly got rid of the competition by shoving Francesca into the kitchen to do the cooking despite the fact Francesca never cooked and Luisa did. A quick recipe was dictated to Francesca over the phone and she was told to get on with it. The immediate impression was that should they loose, Francesca was being set up for the blame. Which is exactly what happened when the meal, aimed at busy professionals, was judged to be too bland. Karen wasn't going to let Luisa get away with her plan though and slapped her down with some telling questions about her own cooking ability, which by Luisa's own admission, is quite good. 'So if your are such a good cook why didn't you go into the kitchen?' 'Um' said Luisa, suitable quelled.

In the end Deadly Dinner got a mauling for sending all the wrong messages. As someone pointed out, you just don't call something deadly, slap a skull on the packaging and then include prawns, a well known source of food poisoning, in a meal for kids and expect mums to be happy buying it. To be fair the kids did love it but the mum's hated it and as they had the buying power Alex's team was doomed.

Alex admiited his mistake in listening to 'expert' Myles, siting his lack of experience with children as the cause of his downfall. And to be fair Myles did put his hands up to the fact it was mostly his fault but Alex should have spotted the flaw and so was fired. He took it well and gave us another glimpse of his Del Boy coat as he headed to the taxi. I will miss him.

My pick to win is Neil, that's if he can keep one step ahead of devious, back stabbing Luisa.

A Bit Of A Dip

Well later than promised but I sort of got watching the tennis on Wednesday and didn't actually get as far as turning on my computer.

The first three days back at work were not too bad, if you ignore all the moaning and complaining that is. All I can say is that it is not a happy camp at the moment and it is taking it's toll.

I coped quite well and felt OK most of the time but I know my stress levels have gone zooming back up because I've stopped sleeping. I couldn't believe it, one day back in work and I'm lying awake until three or four and dozing fitfully until the alarm goes off at six. You don't have to be a genius to work out that is not good news. It may just be my system getting back in the swing of things again but somehow I doubt it.

It was my three monthly visit to the PH clinic at the Royal Brompton today and after a lot of tests and messing about they concluded that I'm still doing relatively well but not as good as I was. I have put on weight but I am retaining more water so my diuretics have been permanently increased, not by much but it is a backward step. Disappointingly my weight gain is probably mostly water and once they kick in I will loose again, how frustrating! X-rays showed that I am clear of infection so my continued cough and mucus production is probably due to irritated lungs and should calm down in a week or two. I have given a spit sample and that will be analyzed for any nasties lurking. The echo showed that my heart is more or less the same as it was last time but there is a rise in pressures, they have gone up from 76 to 93mmHg (normal pressure is between 15 - 20 mmHg). Not a huge leap but a worrying development considering how stable I've been up to now. If I show another deterioration next time then I will have to have my flolan increased. My oxygen SATs were 90%, so better than expected. I didn't do a walk test this time as I was still recovering from infection and it probably would have returned a false result.

Finally some good news for all those on Flolan. The new Flolan, which is stable in air, will be in this country from 21st July and patients should be able to start using from September. This means you will be able to make a whole weeks worth up in one go and keep them in the fridge, you will also only have to change cassettes once a day. When asked if I'd like to go onto it I said yes, I cannot see why anyone wouldn't.

I must admit I'm a bit down about the rise in pressures but at the same time pleased that there is no sign of infection. I'll get the spit test and blood results in a week or so and if anything shows up they will either call me in or ask my GP to prescribe something.

Time for some tennis. A fuller, better blog tomorrow.

Back To The Rat Race

Well I'm officially well enough to go to work.

My chest is still a bit noisy and I've been given another course of antibiotics to stop anything flaring up again. However my oxygen SATs are normal, back in the 90's, and I have no temperature or wheeze. I feel OK, a little tired, but I'm told that will improve after a couple of days of normal eating.

I'm now in a quandary as I'm really pleased I'm well again but I really don't want to go back to work. I've been so relaxed and felt, most of the time anyway, healthier for it that I don't want to end up as stressed as I was at the start of my holiday. Of course the only person who can stop me being stressed is me. I've just got to stop caring so much and trying to be better than my fitter colleagues in an effort to prove my worth. I know I do it but can't stop myself. I always feel as though I have to work twice as hard as everyone else to prove that my illness doesn't matter. It's a really stupid thing to do because I was ill when I applied for the job and was totally up front about how bad it could get and yet they still chose me. I feel nothing but sympathy and support from my colleagues, well most of them, so why do I always feel guilty about being ill? It's crazy, crazy, crazy!  I'm just going to have to adopt a more laid back attitude, it's not as though I'm deliberately being ill to piss people off, I can't help it but if some choose to think that way then that is their problem not mine.

So back to yesterday. I ate a full meal comfortably and that sort of opened the floodgates. I downed steak, a rare treat, sweetcorn, peas, carrot and swede mash and mashed potato. I then tackled two peaches, two packets of crisps, an apple and a bag of cherries. I stopped for a couple of hours and then had two slices of toast and another peach. Around eight I was starving again and so did something I've never done before. I ordered in pizza! I had a delicious six slices of cheese, onion and tomato which disappeared in double quick time. Andrew and Peter were guarding theirs in case I started stealing. It cost a fortune but I loved every cheesy morsel and it looks as though I've managed to make up for a week of not eating in one day, bonus.

Today I am much more restrained and so far have just had the usually toast and tea for breakfast. I'm fancying a light salad for lunch and then I'm settling myself down for an afternoon of tennis. Well is is my last sick day so why not?

So next blog will be Wednesday, enjoy the tennis and COME ON MURRAY!

Marking Time

I'm still progressing well and I am hopeful of being given the all clear tomorrow. My appetite has improved and yesterday I managed a cheesy omelet for lunch and worked my way through several packets of crisps and pieces of fruit during the course of the afternoon. Today I am trying a full but small meal of meat and two veg. If I can eat that without it affecting my breathing I'll know I'm almost back to normal.

Andrew has also improved and after two days of soup, bananas and yogurt, carefully vetted of course, he also has regained his appetite and is feeling much more comfortable. We worked out that the only thing he ate that was different from normal was some coleslaw that we shared. I checked the label and sure enough, there was whey powder in it. For God's sake, why would you need whey powder in coleslaw? It was an extra thick and creamy version so I'm assuming it was used as a thickener. I will not be buying that in future and will be checking the labels of different types next time I'm in Tesco's and if all else fails I'll revert to making my own.

The weather is frustrating me as now I feel up to sitting in the garden I can't because it is raining. In fact since we cleared the decking ready for use I've sat up there for only a couple of hours. Since then the covers have been on and it has rained and been windy and cold. Obviously earlier in the week I couldn't care less as I wouldn't have made it out there if I'd tried but since I've been feeling better I can't help feeling some fresh air would be beneficial.

I should have been out and about in the fresh air today as it happens. My best friend's village is having a celebration of 100 years of the motor car and there is a fete to go with it. I'd said I'd go but despite being better I still don't think I'm up to walking around fields or standing for long periods and I certainly don't want to risk getting cold and wet. Such a shame as I was really looking forward to it but, at the moment, I have to think of me and no one else and 'me' doesn't want to risk catching anything else.

I had a piece of good news though. My brother and his family are spending a week in the area on a short holiday. We are going to meet up for a drink and/or a meal while he's down here. So looking forward to it as it's two years since we last saw each other. Another date in the diary, another goal to reach, it's what keeps me going.

So another day playing safe and lounging around doing not much at all. Roll on Tuesday when hopefully normality returns.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Anyway?

Well I did win on the Euromillions, a massive £2.80, so I'm a whole eighty pence up on my stake. I suppose I can't grumble, I'm in profit after all, which is something I didn't expect.

Anne has posted that not only is she back on the main ward but it's six weeks post transplant. My goodness that time has gone quickly. I'm at Papworth on the 12th July so will pay her a visit if she is still there. However I think I'd be right in saying that everyone sincerely hopes she'll have been sent home by then.

St Mary's, Ivinghoe

I'm feeling a hell of a lot better today. My cough is all but gone and my chest feels light and clear. I'm hoping to continue this good progress through the weekend so when I see the doc on Monday he'll let me go back to work.

Because I was so very ill I had to call Papworth to let them know I was on all sorts of meds. Now I have to do this every time I get a chest infection as the drugs I'm given to clear it can interfere with the drugs given post transplant and if you already have an infection it can be very bad news. They have never thought about removing me from the list before but this time I was so ill they said I'd have to be suspended for a couple of days. Thankfully after a chat with them yesterday I found out they didn't actually take me off but I might have been sent home if pre-op tests showed high levels of infection. I have to say I panicked when they said I'd have to be removed so was highly relieved when I found out I was still a contender.

Yesterday after being released from house arrest I paid a very quick visit to Tesco's, well I have to start getting back to normal somewhere, to collect a new prescription and to pick up loads of fruit, soup and yogurt. My appetite isn't quite back to normal and I still feel more breathless than usual when I eat a 'normal' meal so I'm snacking on fruit and yogurt whilst downing large quantities of soup and Complan. I have also managed a doughnut and a couple of toasted teacakes so things are looking up. Today I'm cutting back on the Complan in favour of normal food. I'll still have one just before bedtime though, until I'm eating properly again, if for no other reason than to keep my vitamins and minerals topped up.

St Mary's, Ivinghoe

Anyone would think an alien had landed. Are people really so isolated that they've never see someone wearing an oxygen tank before? The stares and looks I got from customers and staff alike had me asking Peter at least twice if my flies were undone or my bra was showing. Because I'm still physically quite weak I hung the bottle off a trolley when I got into the shop but that caused it's own problems as people tried to force their way between me and the trolley every time I stepped away for a minute to look at something on the shelf. I nearly had my cannula dragged from my nose at least twice. What was particularly hard to take were the accusing looks, as though it was my fault that people walk around in a daze.

Normally I'd have used my mobility scooter on the first excursion out after being ill but my local Tesco is so disability unaware that it recently narrowed the aisles in order to get an extra line of fridges in. The result is the aisles are only just wide enough for two trolleys to pass each other, and then you have to be careful not to have your fingers hanging over the side of the trolley. Add a mobility scooter, even one as dinky as mine, and it is almost impossible to get around, especially as they seem to insist on having those big cages for refilling the shelves all over the place. So the oxygen was the only choice, besides wanting to test my stamina, if I was to get around more or less stress free and without being run into or clouted around the head with a wire basket.

However the trip was worth it because I returned home feeling delighted that I managed so well. I had no real trouble staying on my feet and I didn't experience any pain or tightness in my chest. A sure sign of improvement. What a strange illness this is. Ten days ago I was jumping around in a churchyard taking pictures and now I'm just happy to have made it around the fruit and veg section of Tesco's. none of it makes any sense.

St Mary's, Ivinghoe

So I'm having a very quiet weekend and resting up in preparation for returning to work on Tuesday when my sick note runs out. I might do a bit of baking this afternoon, or I might try and finish the book I'm reading. It's raining so I won't be tempted to go out and do anything silly. I'll keep that for next weekend, when I'm fully fit again.

The pictures are from my last photography trip before I fell ill. enjoy!

If I Were A Rich Man

Well the doctor is pleased with my progress. My chest still has a rattle but the fluid has cleared so I can go back to my normal dose of diuretics, which is just as well as I've barely been off the loo this week. Everything is more or less back to normal though my antibiotics have been extended, just in case, and I've been told to increase my inhaler usage for a few days. I've got to go back to see him again on Monday where he will either give me another certificate or let me return to work. Of course I'm hoping for the latter as I'm stir crazy.

Andrew is poorly today so is not going into college. He has a intolerance to some forms of whey powder and, although careful enough to avoid most of the time, he runs a risk whenever he eats things not made at home, it's amazing what they put that stuff in to bulk up products, even yogurts and smoothies. Not sure what it was this time but he started having pain yesterday. A couple of days on his tablets and some careful feeding usually sees him better very quickly.

Having been chased by numerous companies wanting to sort out my PPI for me, at a price of course, I've decided the only way to get them off my back is to look into it myself. So I've sent off the forms, with proof, I am careful about keeping stuff involving loans etc, and am now just waiting to see what happens. I'm philosophical about my chances and if I don't get anything, well I'm no worse off. However if I do get something back I'd rather keep all of it, after all I'm the one who paid it in the first place, and not pay 20% or more to someone for just filling in the same forms I have. To be honest I had thought about checking it out a while ago but never quite got round to it. Sitting at home this week fending off endless calls has spurred me into action.

Talking of money I notice the Euromillions draw is now up to 141 million. That is an obscene amount of money for one person to win. Why would you want that much? I then thought of all the good that could be done with that amount of money and what I'd do with it. Well first, of course, I'd sort out my family and friends. Then I'd distribute to my colleagues, most are struggling so to help them a bit would be nice. At least half would go to PH research, even if it is too late for me someone will benefit, eventually. And finally I'd keep enough so that myself and my husband would never have to worry about money again, buy a nicer house and be content with my lot. Oh one can dream. I've gone against the grain and bought a ticket, I have no chance but you never know.

As you can see, sitting at home doing nothing has reduced me to daydreaming, I really need to start doing things.

Today is my six month marker for being on the transplant list. I know there are many who have waited longer than me and I know there are many more who sadly never got their chance but I still feel a little hard done by. Natural I suppose, especially when you've been poorly and you know a transplant could stop all that. So I plod on for another day/week/month and all that really keeps me going is knowing I'm one day/week/month closer and tonight might be the night.

Well nothing more to say. That's the trouble with being grounded, nothing to write about.