The Fur Is Flying

Had a bit of a scare again yesterday. I suddenly became very breathless and had a coughing fit that resulted in me spitting up a bit of blood. I remained fairly breathless throughout the day and my peak flows dropped  but this morning I'm fine again. No idea what it was but if it happens again I'll be taking myself off to the doc's.

I did watch the England/France match and stand corrected on something I wrote in my last blog. The outcome of this match really didn't matter in the end because France drew with Ireland and so were not going to get the Grand Slam anyway though they still could win the championship. The match was messy with neither side covering themselves in glory. For a while it looked like England would walk it but the French pulled back and in the end England won by only two points. Now all eyes will be on the Millennium Stadium next Saturday and you won't be able to get me off the settee with a crow bar.

Something else to look forward too next weekend is the start of the Formula One racing season. As usual I'll be backing the Brits and will be hoping that Jenson Button can win another title. Unfortunately half the races will not be shown live on the BBC because of some deal done with Sky. I don't really see that as much of a problem as long as I stay away from news channels until I get to watch the highlights. As I work some Sundays this is second nature to me as I often had to record races to watch when I got home so it won't really be any different.

It was really warm yesterday so I spend half an hour in the garden tentatively pulling weeds from my herb garden. Most of the herbs seem to have survived the winter, with one or two exceptions, but the garden desperately needs some TLC. I am now hoping for some more warm, dry days so I can get out there and do what's needed, with a little help of course. It was nice to see all the buds on the trees and bushes, another few weeks and I should have a riot of colour again.

In the news a high court has ruled that a man with 'locked in' syndrome has the right to continue his fight to seek protection for any doctor willing to help him end his own life. This man is totally paralyzed and has been for sometime and the only way he can end it all is by getting someone to administer the drugs for him. His argument is that doctors, like vets, should have the power to end the suffering of patients who have no chance of recovering from their condition. This is something I have thought for a very long time however recent events have made me less sure of my stance.

Recently there have been two stories in the paper of long term coma patients suddenly coming around. One man was in a coma for over ten years. If doctors were allowed to end the lives of patients 'with no chance of recovery' this man would have been dead years ago. Even more horrifying is that both coma patients could hear what was being discussed at their bedsides. Imagine hearing someone discussing ending your life and not being able to do anything about it. How horrendous would that be? So my thoughts now are that I do hope doctors are given this power but are only allowed to use it if the patient themselves are of sound mind enough to request it.

At present doctors are allowed not to help a patient live if a 'Do Not Resuscitate' or DNR instruction is put in their hospital records. This instruction is guaranteed to have been put in the records on the patients orders while they were still of sound mind and deemed not under any undue influence. I see no reason why people with progressive illnesses cannot have a similar instruction added to their records so that when the illness reaches a certain point the medical staff can put them out of their misery. Of course it won't be that easy. Patients can and will change their minds and of course there are the relatives wishes to taken into consideration. At the moment a person can sign as many donor cards as they can get their hands on but the relatives always get the final word and bizarrely the relatives wishes will always override those of the dead person's. This is going to take some working out and lots of safeguards put in place to prevent people being bumped off just because they are old and an inconvenience or a drain on resources.

Spring seems to have suddenly hit the cats. They are both moulting furiously leaving little piles of fur wherever they go. The annual battle for the position of top cat has also begun and they cannot pass each other without lashing out. They are both unusually active and instead of sleeping the day away they are now in and out of the cat flap like yo-yo's. Experience says they will revert back to their normal docile, lazy selves come April but until then I'll have to put up with living in a hairy war zone and give up wearing anything black.

Spend, Spend, Spend, Well Sort Of

I was up and out early today, well early for me, as I decided to bite the bullet and indulge in a little bit of retail therapy, something I am notoriously awful at. So we loaded up the wheelchair, all the scooters had been booked, and off we went.

Milton Keynes was really quiet when we arrived and we drove straight into a parking space right outside John Lewis which happened to be our first port of call. Our TV is about ten years old and beginning to show it's age. It takes ages to get going when you turn it on and HD it definitely isn't so I thought it was time to look for a replacement. Our choice was immediately limited because Peter won't buy anything made by Sony. don't ask me why, its some principle of his that I've long forgotten. It was a pity because there was a Sony that had been reduced and was at a really good price. After a lot of discussion we narrowed the choice down to two TV's, one Panasonic the other Samsung, and as we usually do decided to go and do our other shopping while we discussed them. As it turned out we really couldn't choose so we still don't have a new TV, yet. Hopefully we will make our choice before they sell out.

I fancied something really unhealthy and fattening for lunch so Burger King it was. Afterwards I felt a bit sick and had a raging thirst all afternoon. Maybe I shouldn't have gone that unhealthy as I imagined I could feel my blood pressure rising and my arteries furring up with every mouthful.

We were waiting for Andrew to catch us up when I spotted an old friend of mine from my time at Putteridge High School. Lyn was in the same department as myself and we often stuck together when the head and deputy head of department were having one of their little spats. We had a lovely chat where she informed me that Putteridge is going for academy status and will soon be known as Barnfield West Academy. What a shame. I hate all this academy nonsense, it destroys a school's personality and from what Lyn was saying I got the impression she didn't seem to keen on the idea either.

A spin around Boots netted me a mascara and some shower gel and then we were off home, some spending spree but I did nearly buy a TV.

Once home and armed with a lovely cuppa I settled down to watch the Wales versus Italy rugby match and I must say Wales did not get off to a promising start. Alls well that ends well though and by the final whistle Wales were very comfortably in the lead. I don't know what the Referee was doing, he seemed to be a bit of an idiot to be honest and liked the sound of his own voice. I really hope we don't have him in the next match. Next Saturday is the important one when Wales plays France. These two countries are the only ones left who could win the Grand Slam, though that could change tomorrow when France play England. Naturally I would love Wales to win the Grand Slam again so tomorrow I'll be watching the France/England match and for one of the very few times in my life I'll be cheering England on to win.

In the news the story that caught my eye was one where Coca-Cola and Pepsi have changed their recipes in order to avoid having to put cancer warnings on their drinks cans and bottles. The caramel colouring in the drinks will contain lower levels of 4-methylimidazole, which has been added to the list of carcinogens in California law. Worryingly the recipes will not be changed in Britain and we won't be getting the cancer warning either. Does that mean we are less prone to this chemical than Americans or are we just not so paranoid about what we put in our bodies? I suspect it is the latter of the two. We played host to one of Peter's American work colleagues a while ago and he wouldn't eat anything unless he'd read the label first. Even things such as milk, weetabix and bread was carefully scrutinized before he'd eat it though he was more than happy to down McDonalds burgers as though they were going out of fashion. Strange!

It is five hours since I had my burger and I'm still drinking like a fish, next time I say I fancy a burger somebody please hold me back.

She's So Heavy

I've finally stopped coughing and spluttering when I wake up in the morning. Not only that but I'm now sleeping right through the night again so I'm waking up refreshed rather than half dead. My peak flows are rising at last and I've managed to break the 250 barrier with a reading of 260 this morning. My target is 300 so still a way to go.

Yesterday I felt well enough to go shopping with Peter and Andrew. We tackled Tesco in the morning then it was off to Costco in the afternoon. I managed to walk the whole time though I was dreadfully tired and needed to lean on Peter for support by the time we made it out of Costco. I slept for about an hour when we got home but was soon feeling fine again. Obviously I'm not fully recovered yet but today was a huge step in the  right direction.

When we got home Andrew decided to try his hand at making profiteroles. He's been on about trying them since Sunday when he saw them being made on TV. I've never made them so was unable to offer any advice or guidance so retired upstairs and let him get on with it. Two hours later the smell of burning drifted into the study and I decided to investigate. The kitchen was a bomb site and there was, what looked like, concrete in a saucepan. The first batch had not been a great success and were more like pancakes. After adjusting the mixture the second batch just burnt. He was so upset and angry. I helped tidy up and made sympathetic comments but it didn't really help. I think it might be a while before he tries them again. It took two goes through the dishwasher to clean the saucepan.

Last night I happened across a programme called 'The Big Body Squad'. I may have mentioned it before but what I saw was so shocking it is worth at least one more mention and quite frankly a bit of a rant.

This programme is devoted to the special ambulance crews who are trained to use super sized equipment to move super sized patients. These people are often so heavy they can't even move their bulk to clean themselves and so rely on an army of people, provided by the taxpayer of course, to do things for them. I shouldn't watch programmes like this as I can feel my blood pressure rising with every passing minute. What really, really gets me is the sense of entitlement that these people exude, they talk about having special hoists, lifts and chairs installed but show no signs of guilt or even gratitude for what they are getting. Only one person  said that they were grateful for the help they received. Even more shocking was not one of them showed any sign of wanting to change their situation. Well actually I tell a lie, one person did but only because he had come close to losing his foot due to diabetes brought on by his extreme weight.

The heaviest person on last night's show was a forty eight stone woman who had been moved from one house because she had literally outgrown it and was now in a home design to take her extreme weight. She had a toothache and needed treatment. The poor love complained to the camera that the tooth interfered with her eating as she could only chew on one side, what a shame. Unable to get to the dentist the dentist had to go to her. I had hoped that he'd take one look at her and wire her jaws together but he didn't and soon the tooth was restored to full working order.

What I really don't understand is where they are getting all the food. They are far too big to go shopping so someone must be buying it for them. If they are so big that they are costing the NHS millions don't you think someone would come up with a plan to help them as they are clearly beyond helping themselves. There should be some sort of bartering going on along the lines of you can have a carer but you have to agree to diet. Instead it seems they are allowed to, and indeed added and abetted, to continue to eat themselves to death while costing the rest of us a fortune. Disgraceful!

Peter's efforts to mend his car have been frustrated by the wrong sized part being sent to him. He now has to send the part he has back and wait for the correct size to arrive. The car has already been off the road for the best part of a week and I can tell he is getting frustrated. He's not the only one, I get nervous when we only have one car available to us. I never used to feel that way but for some reason in the last year or so I've liked the security of having a back up vehicle. Lets hope the new part doesn't take long to get here.

The news is all about the six soldiers killed in Afghanistan and quite rightly so. To loose so many in one go is a terrible thing and when you think that five out of the six were under twenty two years of age it makes it even more tragic. Some will argue that these men died doing what they wanted to do and knew the risks when they joined. That is fair enough but did they really expect to die in a conflict that the UK really should not have any part in? We went to Afghanistan because of our 'special relationship' with America. I'm sure if the ordinary people of the UK had been given a choice we would have stayed out of it. Now this conflict, the media doesn't like the word 'war' is costing us in lives and money, neither of which we can afford. I can't even remember why we are there. Time to leave I think.

In other news the Queen has started her tour of Britain to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee and how is she traveling? By train it seems, what a sensible woman. It will be interesting to see if this was a one off or whether she intends to let the train take the strain for the entire tour.

Tomorrow if the weather is nice I might venture out into the garden to see what needs doing. Then all I've got to do is work out how much it's going to cost to bribe one of the boys into doing it for me.

Fit For Nothing

Woke up feeling so much better, although still a bit breathless on exercise I really feel I have turned a corner in the last two days. I was so hungry at lunch I was stuffing food into my mouth while I was cooking it as I couldn't get it on the plate fast enough. How bad is that! I'm back where I started weight wise but at this rate I shouldn't have any trouble putting it all back on again.

Despite feeling so much better I was forced to sit around twiddling my thumbs as I was waiting for the man from BOC (British Oxygen Company) to come and do an inspection. The inspection sounds scary but isn't. All he does is check I'm keeping my cylinders in a safe place, away from heat sources, and that I have working smoke alarms. The trouble is, like most services, they can tell you the day they are coming but not the time. When I asked I was told between 8am -4pm, helpful or what? When he did eventually turn up at twenty past two he stayed for less than ten minutes. Good job no one had taken the day off especially to wait for him .

Andrew got his letter confirming his acceptance of his place in uni so he is all set. Now he just has to hope he gets the grades needed or better in his A levels, the first results come out on Thursday. He should do really well if the amount of revision he did over Christmas is anything to go by. Having said that exams can do funny things to people. I could recite whole swathes of text books almost word for word right up until I was in my seat, then one look at the paper and it all disappeared. Nerves are horrible things.

Should have gone to the Warfarin clinic today but missed it partly because of waiting in for the BOC man and partly because in all honesty I just couldn't face it. The thought of sitting amongst a bunch of coughing, wheezing pensioners and possibly picking up yet another bug was just to much so I played it safe and stayed at home. I will go next week though when hopefully everything will have settled down and I'm back to normal.

The story that caught my eye in the papers this morning highlights just how screwed up our health service has become.

This is the story of a perfectly healthy five year old who happens to be tall for his age. His parents have just been told that he is overweight and will grow into a 'fat adult' after he was weighed as part of the government 'Fit 4 Life' scheme. What morons. If there is anything more guaranteed to give a child an eating disorder it is proclaiming that they are overweight when in reality they just don't fit the prescribed 'normality'. The pictures of this little boy show a child with long limbs but not an ounce of excess fat on him. Now this rather cute little boy keeps asking his parents if he is 'fat', showing that the seeds of doubt have already taken root. True the parents must share some of the blame for this anxiety because they chose to share the news with their child. The main fault, however, lies with the nosy do-gooders who once again have decide to tackle a problem by targeting everyone instead of focusing their efforts on those in need of intervention. Instead of using their eyes and common sense these people rely on the flawed, and proven to be so, BMI system. Even the Belgium inventor of the system said it should never be used as the only measure for weight problems, especially on children, so why are the powers that be so wedded to it? We've all heard the stories of super fit body builders and rugby players being declared obese when in reality the weight is down to muscle mass. No one in their right minds would tell these people to go on a diet and take more exercise. I have no doubt whatsoever that in five or ten years we will see results from this scheme but they will not necessarily be the results the government are hoping for. I suspect that the truly obese will remain so because just telling them to eat less and take more exercise won't work, they are already beyond advice like that. What we will have is an epidemic of anorexia or bulimia suffers who were told when they were perfectly normal children that they were overweight and would grow up to be fat.

If I'm better again tomorrow I'm going to attempt another stagger around Tesco. Andrew wants me to get stuff in so he can try his hand at profiteroles and I want to stock up on fruit now my appetite is returning. If the weather is really nice I might even take a turn around the garden so I can get depressed about how much needs to be done to get it ready for summer. Something to look forward too.

Raining In My Heart

My friend Miriam died on Saturday, I can't tell you how that has made me feel. I will never forget her kindness and wish she were still here to help me through the dark times. Rest in peace Miriam.

It has been a pretty depressing weekend all around really. Saturday was spent in front of the TV, again, or reading on the bed between dozes. I still cannot work out why I'm so damned tired.

The weather was exceptionally warm for this time of year, which was just as well as Andrew spent the day at a barbecue party. Peter busied himself washing the cars and I had a brief longing to get out in the garden but it passed quickly and I went back to bed.

Woke up on Sunday to a deluge and a surprise. Peter has been worried that I'd cut myself off from everyone except immediate family since becoming so poorly. This is true. Figuring I needed a change he took me along to a coffee morning arranged by his fellow Alfa fanatics. I was reluctant at first because as I was meeting people I did not know it meant having to make a real effort. So I washed my hair, first time in about four days, put in my contact lenses and applied some mascara and a dash of lip gloss. By the time I'd slipped on some jeans and a nice jumper I was feeling ten times better, amazing. The drive to the venue, Costa coffee at the Roaring Meg in Stevenage, was damp to say the least, rain was coming down in sheets and the roads had deep puddles everywhere but it was just nice to see the countryside. I was absolutely delighted when we drove past a field of lambs. The get together itself was only small, less than a dozen people, the weather putting most off and we only stayed about an hour but it was enough. Peter talked cars while I dug into a milky coffee and a rice crispy and toffee cake. I was happy just to listen, I know very little about cars, even though I took a basic mechanics course when I was younger. I certainly don't know about any of the things this lot were talking about, mostly modifications.

The rain continued to pour on the way home but soon turned to sleet and then to our astonishment snow. The car indicated that the temperature had fallen by 4.5c during the drive from Stevenage to home. It continued to snow for a good couple of hours and then stopped. Thankfully the ground was too wet for the snow to settle but we were convinced that if it started again overnight it might be a different story on Monday morning. While we were out Andrew had vacuumed and mopped all the floors downstairs and had started on lunch. After lunch I just lay on the settee watching Black Adder DVD's before dozing off again.

Today I woke to clear skies, low temperatures and a stiff wind rattling the windows. Thankfully no snow overnight and by the look of the roads no rain either. I lay in bed doing a quick audit and decided that I did feel a bit better. This was confirmed when I did my peak flows and blew a good 255, the highest I've blow in the morning for weeks. I even felt like breakfast, things must be looking up.

Drinking my morning cuppa my thoughts turned again to Miriam and how much I'm going to miss our chats. I also though about how much she enjoyed life despite the PH, she never let it slow her down if there was something she really wanted to do including dancing at the PHA conference while attached to oxygen. Whadda gal!

I hadn't been up more than ten minutes when I managed to break a glass, spill water all over my bedside table and soak my pillow. I then got screamed at by Peter for climbing up on a chair to reach a book down off a shelf and the cat threw up on Andrew's bed. Don't you just love Monday's.

The Future's Bright.

A colleague from work whom I don't know very well, suffers from cystic fibrosis. Yesterday he received his long awaited heart, lung and liver transplant and is apparently doing well. I am so pleased for him and, I have to admit, a tiny bit jealous. John I wish you well and look forward to seeing you back at work healthy and happy.

Last night we hot footed it off to Laurence's for tea. Well we would have hot footed it if we hadn't been stuck behind a three car pile up on the M1. Arriving almost an hour late our host was totally unfazed and quickly settled us down in the living room where he showed off his latest purchases. A clock and a framed poster. Then he was off into the kitchen to prepare tea, unsurprisingly it was pasta with a arrabiata sauce with pancetta, it was very good. My appetite is still quite poor so I only had a small portion but at least I did manage to eat it. Having seen his well stocked cupboards and a bowl of fruit on the table I no longer have any worries about him living off junk. He has made his home very nice and kept it really clean an tidy, though I suppose living on his own and being out so often means it gets little opportunity to get dirty or messy. He has finally registered with a local doctor, not that he ever needs one, so all my worries have now been met and satisfied. After tea the others watched TV while I went through my drug prep and line change, no matter where I go I can't get away from that unfortunately.

My main worry now is Andrew, he is equally good in the kitchen but living in student digs is a far cry from living in your own home. He is going to have to share kitchen equipment and will face having his milk etc nicked from the fridge on occasions. I've no doubts he will learn to cope but I think the first term, while he is finding his feet, will be tricky. Andrew is far more happy go lucky and has far more confidence in himself than Laurence, who is a bit of a 'planner' and Andrew is more likely to rush in without thinking of the consequences. I have always worried more about Andrew than Laurence even though they have both spent their fair share of hours in the local A&E. As his course is rather full on, he has already been warned that terms are a lot longer for him than others, he only gets a week off at Christmas and the summer term doesn't end until August, he won't have time to get in any scraps. He will be doing twelve hour shifts with the London ambulance service including night shifts. I have no doubt he will enjoy it but it will be exhausting for him and I don't think he'll be so eager to cook for himself that much. I don't think his university experience is going to be quite as relaxed as he was hoping.

Had a letter from Harefield giving a summary of all the test results I've just had. They have put my chances of surviving the transplant at 85%, which I consider to be pretty good odds, with a 75% chance of making it through the first year, again pretty good. I had worse odds from my ablation so I don't think I have anything to worry about. It goes on to say I am 'physically well conditioned', makes me sound like a car, but it is nice to know my underlying fitness is still there. I was very, very fit before I was diagnosed and remained fairly active for as long as I could. Looks like all the effort has paid off, with a bit of luck it also may not take quite as long to get fit again post transplant.

My current health problem finally seems to be improving, I feel less washed out today and and am coughing a lot less. I've been here before of course only to go backwards. I am desperate to get back to work but I'm not going back until I am sure all the bugs have been throughly killed off. I'm officially on leave for two weeks from next Friday so even if the doctor says I'm OK to go back I will have a couple of weeks to relax and fully recover my strength. with a bit of luck, and with flu season nearly over, I might manage to stay in work for more than a week this time around.

I've had a really lazy day, I've watched a couple of films and then crashed out with the cats for a couple of hours. It is lovely to doze off surrounded by warm fur and purring. It seems my body really does know what it needs and at present it is craving rest and lots of it.

Finally I must tell you this really funny story.

Laurence has been looking for a dining table for some time now. He does have one but it is a very dark wood and he really wants something that will match the rest of his furniture which is much lighter. He's been keeping an eye on freecycle, ebay and gumtree in the hope something would come up. About two weeks ago it did. A lovely light oak table that would seat six. No chairs with it but he wasn't to bothered about that and the price was really good so he put in a last minute bid and won. A week later the new table arrived, by first class post, through the letter box. He had bought a dining table for a dolls house. We absolutely rocked with laughter and the little table is now proudly on display in his living room. Laurence himself admits that he'd missed several clues along the way including the word 'miniature' in the description and the cost, which was only £2.50 including postage. When asked how he thought he was getting a full sized table for that price he just shrugged and said he thought he'd found a real bargain, which set us all off again. It could have been so much worse and he has learned a valuable lesson, if it looks too good to be true it usually is.

Daydream Believer

I'm a bit down in the dumps truth be told. Having not made any real improvement in the ten days since I came out of hospital I went to see my GP who immediately diagnosed infection in both lungs and promptly put me back on antibiotics. I'm beginning to wonder just when this is all going to end. I've even started to  dream about what it would be like to have new lungs. In my dreams I'm often swimming or hill walking or running through trees in the sunshine. It is quite pathetic but I have no control over my sub conscious. This will be my ninth infection since November. No wonder I've been feeling so poorly and my weight has dropped like a brick. Still I've got something for it now and with a bit of luck it will act quickly and get me back on my feet by next week.

It hasn't all been bad news in the Roberts household this week though. Apart from passing his driving test on Tuesday Andrew found out yesterday that he has been accepted on the Paramedics course at University of Hertfordshire. This is excellent news because he had been building himself up for rejection believing he'd stuffed up the interview. So come September both our babies will have flown the nest. The good thing about this uni is that it is less than an hour away so Andrew will be able to come home at weekends if he wants too. It is going to be very strange just being the two of us at home again, I'm going to have to get used to cooking for two.

Peter has come to the conclusion that it is not the head gasket that has failed, apparently this is good news. He now thinks it is the valve seals????? Anyway this is not so bad and can be fixed fairly easily, thank goodness for that.

In the news there has been reports of the deaths of two people I admired for totally different reasons. One sought out a life of fame and fortune. The other would have preferred to remain anonymous if it meant getting his old life back.

The first death is that of Davy Jones front man with The Monkees. He is usually credited as the lead singer but it was Mickey Dolenz who actually sang the lead vocals on their biggest hits so I think front man is a more accurate description. The Monkees were manufactured to be America's answer to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and began life as a TV show but it wasn't long before their music was topping the charts on both sides of the Atlantic. They soon became one of the top rated boy bands in the world but their fame was short lived and it wasn't long before the cracks began to show and they finally parted company. I remember watching the TV show on a Saturday morning, I must have been eight or nine at the time and loved their music, they were my first pop idols. When Davy Jones' death was announced on the news I was genuinely shocked. I'd been watching a documentary he'd taken part in only a couple of days before and although he'd aged he looked healthy enough. Too be honest I always had my money on Peter Tork being the first to go as he has battled alcoholism most of his adult life and has been very ill at times. I think Davy was the youngest of the group. The cause of death was a massive heart attack, such a shame and he was only sixty six.

The second death, and possibly the saddest of the two is that of PC David Rathband. This poor man was unfortunate enough to be targeted by killer and all round lunatic Raoul Moat who decide to blast him in the face with a shotgun. PC Rathband lost his sight as a result of this attack and only saved his life by playing dead until his attacker moved off to find other victims. Despite all the help and support he got from family, friends and the police he couldn't come to terms with his injuries and gradually his life began to unravel. He did some really good things since being injured, he set up The Blue Lamp charity to help emergency service staff injured in the line of duty and took part in numerous events to promote his cause. It wasn't enough and could not replace the satisfaction he got from policing. Sometime yesterday he decided he'd had enough and ended his life. Some will say it was suicide but an awful lot more, including myself, will always believed he was murdered by Raoul Moat.

We are off to tea at Laurence's tomorrow, I'm hoping I'll be feeling a bit better by then and will actually be able to eat something. If not I will at least enjoy seeing him.